life and rants

if i had a second chance..

2009-03-24T23:40:00.000-07:00

if i had a second chance.. i would cherish her more when she used to be around, i would set things straight. i would keep trying to get to her. i would appreciate her more. i wouldn't give up and run away like a pussy. i won't say all the mean things to her. i would sincerely apologize to her for all the tears i made her shed. but now it's all gone.

i miss her.

globalization and its effects

2009-03-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

this post is probably intended for those who doesn't understand how it works with the linkage between foreign talents, globalization, trade and we as citizens.

as the economy is going through a recession that some governments or agencies are reporting will be worst off than the 1997 asian financial crisis, we've been hearing complains/rants from people that are mainly uneducated in the knowledge of how globalization and how foreign talents aids the economy in the bigger picture.

singapore is heavily dependent on exports and with that we rely mainly on multinational companies coming into singapore to setup be it manufacturing, research, export and so on for job creations in which for every 1 foreigner employed there must be 3 locals.

some industries or groups have shunned globalization partially due to factors like protecting the high profits yield in their respective industries due to lack of price competition from overseas competitors or groups protesting over foreigners snatching away their jobs.

but without competition there would never be improvements, reduced jobs, paying of goods at higher prices when they could be cheaper for the consumers in which this case the business owners gain while consumers loses out.

there is a reason why singapore's government are actively promoting singapore as a tourist destination for the reason that when foreigners spend their money in singapore the money spent gets circulated in the economy.

for example this australian comes to singapore and spend $20 on lunch. the $20 gets cut up into paying suppliers, employees, rental and profit which in turns circulate more for example suppliers paying their employees who in turn gets paid and gives part of the monthly pay to his wife for grocery shopping who in turns pays at a supermarket and goes on and on.

on singaporeans that are always whining and complaining about jobs being taken away from them by foreigners, notice that majority of the jobs that are taken up by them are the very ones that we shunned in the first place. toilet cleaners, dish washers, food court cleaners etc.

on a second note if we were to shut ourselves out from globalization, we would become no different from north korea.

because no trade would mean that no foreign investments are coming in which in turns means high unemployment, and of course even though singapore engages in abit of agriculture but it wouldn't be enough to support the entire population of 3.5m singaporeans(excluding 1m or so foreigners). without the basic needs such as food covered we need not talk about research and advance in technology, famine and diseases would kick in and we would all probably die easier but more painful, investments and returns from temasek and GIC wouldn't be possible as well and all in all singapore would start becoming a backward country which of course wouldn't be all that bad in my opinion. people wouldn't be so snobish and start having high unrealistic expectations and go back to the good old farming days like our forefather where respect for elders and the such is highly encouraged unlike our current society and not forgetting cheap cigarettes :)

5 years ago...emotions

2008-12-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

something happened today as to the details i shall not elaborate further on it. it's the first time in my 21 years that i ever felt this way before. i felt totally useless like i couldn't give her the feeling that the guy did. i felt totally...devastated. i would have been called a pussy if anybody saw me in this state.

i tried to be calm and be strong, i tried i put on a strong front so as to make her feel more stable and secure but after hanging up i totally broke down the entire morning like a bitch. i guess i wasn't as tough as i expected to be.

human emotions are the very few things that seperates us from animals but it is also the thing that makes us weak and vulnerable to attacks from the inside of us like a trojan horse.

5 years ago i experienced the worst periods of my life. relationship issues,family issues and issues with friends all came down in the same period of time.

being the person i was back then i felt weak but i do not want to succumb easily to emotions hence i totally changed myself. my heart froze void of any emotions or sympathy of any sort. my mind was full of ruthless and treacherous thoughts willing to sacrifice ANYONE to get to the top and let nothing and no one stop me.

i told myself back then that emotions would be the only fatal blow from the back that will stop me so i should avoid seeking much human relations with people so as to protect myself.

i worked hard on it and became the person that i thought would be the perfect person to be.

over the years my heart softened and weakened at the age of 20 i fell for someone 1 year older my age and started to get all ...weak. and at the age of 21 i truly experienced what it is like to really love someone and wanting her to be happy and giving your all and your best.

but today just proved that everything 100% is just one sided and that just shows that i cannot even be compared to most of her guy friends in her heart. immediately i broke down cause i couldn't understand why when i already did my best in everything be it to show my devotion or my commitment.

i just hate myself now for not listening to the past me and for not being able to give her the feeling that the other guy is capable of.

i sincerely hope that she gets her true happiness and become a person with stronger character and better judgement of people as i decided that she would be the one and only person who will ever make me feel this way again.

i don't think that there would be much people reading this anyway and i decided that from now on i would work harder to become the person that would never ever succumb to weak feelings like these again.

the heart of frozen cracked ice block is back once more.

lesser beings, influence and the remedy

2008-08-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

what should someone do if he realises that he is surrounded by a bunch of lesser beings around him?

sometimes the best approach to this matter would be isolation. it can be best described like a illness, a contagious illness.

it/they can spread and influence you to be perhaps part of them and by the time you realise it, it would have been too late as you have already been integrated into one of them and their way of life that you would get too comfortable with it and by going against it would be like going against the norm.

lets give another simpler example for the lesser beings that might be reading this.

picture this, a classroom with a teacher and a bunch of students together. if the teacher said that "A" was the correct answer and all except one of the students agreed that "A" was the answer. the one smarter student knew that "B" was the correct answer instead of "A" but seeing that how so many people agreed on "A", that might influence him to believe otherwise that he is wrong and that he would eventually agree on "A" as well but with "B" as the correct answer on his mind.

this would be the basis on which my arguments lies. people influence one another not realising that they themselves might be wrong and the other party may actually be correct and this is why the solution to prevent this would be to stop hanging around these sort of people.

of course i agree that if all eles fails, isolation would be the last resort because isolation would still be much better as compared to being one of them.

most great men of the past were lonely as well but i believe it's because they could not find someone of their equal to mix around with as they were too...GREAT to begin with and most people that were of their equal eventually became one of their enemies and of the 2, only one remains and that is the greater being of the great.

there is a chinese saying, a direct translation to english would be "a hill cannot contain two tigers" meaning that there is never enough room for two greater beings on any one side so dont be surprised if a greater being goes against your ideas, principles or philosophy as it is a normal thing in which greater beings do so as to enforce the things that they believe in and to display their status as a greater being by applying critical thinking.

i personally believe that like a coin that has two sides, there can never be a right answer to everything except for proven theories in maths, science etc. things that you study like business, psychology and especially economics are all streotyping that the general behavior would act in a certain way but everybody/every case is unique in its own ways.

on isolation there are a couple of reasons to convince yourself on why you should do so.

1. they are undermining your knowledge,ability and authority as a greater being than they are.
2. they lower your self esteem and confidence.
3. they bring you down to THEIR level.

failing to bring you down to their level by force would start a new kind of warfare. not exactly new because its been used in the vietnam war and by the terrorists but its the new that would take you by surprise.

and if you guessed it, you are correct it's called guerrilla warfare. by that i mean by toying with your emotions and feelings such as guilt, they would be able to attack you right where they wanted you to be and it's a tactic used by opponents againsts foes that were too powerful to attack head on.

personally i have met many of these lesser beings and they can be grouped into different categories.

1. the pretentious kind that might appear to be like a greater being but they are actually not, they are just acting to be like one.

danger level against this one is high because you might not know how to differenciate a real and a fake one just like spotting real and fake rolex watches, you would only know till you tested it.

2. not the pretentious kind but are trying to be one.

danger level is medium as they are not with any hostile intent such as making use of you and such but is still dangerous as they could influence you with their...trivial thoughts and ideas.

3. the real lesser beings, obviously oblivious to to whatevers happening around them and only cares about themselves. there are three types of people in this world. people who makes things happen, people who wonders what happened and the worst kind people who don't know what happened and can't be bothered.

danger level is low because you know who they really are but still of abit of danger level here because of the ability to influence you subconsciously.

4. the group, bunch of mixed lesser beings that have the ability to apply pressure on you into becoming one of them.

danger level VERY high. most great people are not born but made through process, influences, progress, environment and learning.

many great men were influenced and motivated at certain points of time in their life be it people around them, material needs satisfaction, ego or self esteem gratification or women.

the once potential greater beings can fall and become a lesser being easily with the power of influence. influence is a weapon used by many politicians especially during the times when Roman empire was vast,flourishing and one of the many great powers during their times. politicians then resorted to using influence as a means of ganging up against a common enemy where twisted words and treacherous lies were used against the poor soul.

look at the people around you and put an invisible marking on them indicating greater or lesser being and start weeding out the bad influences that might affect your life. a persons life span is short and there is only that much he can accomplish and perhaps if he is ambitious enough to want to leave a mark in history.

upcoming plans after this term(sep 08)

2008-08-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

in a blink of an eye it's nearly been one year, how time flies and the speed in which how people pass by you before you can even realise. during this one year i've learnt alot and these include a better understanding of people around me(through observation and experience) some of them nice but some of them..not that nice. it's always better to be focused on one thing that you are determined to do and finish than to focus on somebody or other thing that you are not confident of.

few years back i had this mindset built inside me telling me that most people are a waste of time and that i shouldn't commit too much because just a handful would do but during this one year i went against the very set of principles that i created within myself causing all these unnecessary torment and pain.

from yesterday i decided that i should stick to my old ways of doing things and that nothing and nobody would ever make me hesitate about doing so again.

as much as i could say i love her but i got to just forget it and move on because i believe that what's mine is mine and that i deserve much better treatment.

WILL BE DONE BEFORE END OF THIS YEAR

devote more time to finish reading the books that i started
get the driving licence
taking up japanese language oourse
learn to cook(real meals and be a better househusband)
start getting preparations for marriage
business plan preparations for several business proposals that i've had

TO BE DONE NEXT YEAR
hopefully married by then
start planning on further studies,i'm thinking of either law or psychology(not the clinical kind but leaning more towards business)
business setup

holy shit

2008-05-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

it's been months since i updated this...blog. im actually surprised that there are friends who actually read things that i wrote and actually cared. typical people who actually thinks that its just some crap and rantings then too bad i probably don't care what you think about me or my ideals anyway.

anyway the relaxed term 2 just ended and i got my first term's results. it wasn't as good as i expected and im not exactly thrilled about it but positive thinking tells me that at least i passed and that i should work harder for the next 2 terms. 3 modules and 1 dissertation to go.

recently i've been feeling tired both physically and emotionally reason being that i haven't really been juicing my brain for weird ideas and concepts be it for business or personal life and that makes me tired because i find that i become energetic whenever i get my brain started as it makes me excited at the thought of something nice,fun or interesting.

oh well im pretty disappointed with myself lately because i havent been acting like the person that i was before. i need someone to wake me up.

i hope to be more honest with my feelings and my emotions.

8-9 years later

2008-03-23T02:32:00.001-07:00

well my dad mentioned that he probably won't be continuing the business after the contract with the government ends due to youngsters in the family not being interested in the poultry business and it started me thinking if it would be possible for me to carry it on after that.

i personally think that its interesting and that i could continue from there on.if i remember correctly,my dad was also in his mid or late 20s when he took over the business from my grandparents and now im thinking whether i can be as successful as my dad or even outshine him.

i find business interesting in the sense that nothing is stagnant and that its dynamic. your position and market changes due to uncertainty and events happening around the globe. i like challenges,i enjoy doing things that are out of my comfort zone and i certainly enjoy the aftermath of my work. well everything beats having a 8-5 job as i find that things that are preditable in life is boring and it makes me feel as if life is...meaningless in that aspect.

anyway for now im going to take a step at a time and see how things go but i intend to learn more from my dad and see if im really ready for this.

elections and the aftermath

2008-02-25T22:10:00.001-08:00

thoughts came into my mind as to whether the purpose of elections really or truly served its intended motives.

for example pre election period we have all been shown or told how life or things would be after election if the particular party or people came to power.

i have nothing against this if promises are met and the intentions are genuine towards helping the people and society but what i'm concerned would be whether these group of people are making use of current situations or in the abyss of chaos to "play" people's mind to get themselves into power and eventually benefit little or none to the people who voted for them.

people blame bush for tax breaks that benefits the rich,they blame him for the iraq war,for the deteriorating relationships that they once have been good with nations and worse still is that for the layman,they blame him for everything because it's always easier to blame someone that everybody hates and create self fulfilling reasons to feed their imagination to justify themselves.

but one thing that we all know is a fact that he WAS voted into power by these very people,he wasn't president as a result of a coup but by this thing that we call democracy.

the reason why it came to my mind was because the thought about singapore government losing power to opposition parties because of mere post election benefits...is scaring me because it's easy to promise,it's easy to spend our reserves but what we have built up so far isn't by any means easy and the thought of our resourceless nation going back to being a poor and worst of country just makes me ponder if future generations would succumb to the pressure of voting for opposition just for the sake of breaking the current ruling party's grip on power or if future generations would vote just because of unrealistic benefits promised to them that would squeeze dry our reserves.

i personally believe that with singapore being the only country that gives back surpluses to its people,people would have create a form of image or have this mentality that during every year's budget speech they could expect some form of benefits and that if one year the benefits are not provided to its people would be the day that we see a rise of a number of new opportunist who would make use of the situation to denounce the government maybe for reasons of incompetence or what so ever and allow themselves into power eventually.

isn't all these worth a thought as to how singapore's political landscape would change in the future because of this?

another thing that i'm curious to know is that if Obama eventually win and got elected president,what would be the "change" that he preached all along be?

06/02/08

2008-02-05T10:59:00.000-08:00

gazing at the dark sky i felt peaceful yet sadness kept trying to overcome my mental state somehow the silent night made me reminisce much of the past or could it be because of the chilly wind that made me feel and think this way?

i tried for months doing things and trying new things but somehow T keeps crawling back into my mind no matter how much i try or what i do.

it made me wonder if it is the only true thing that i felt before and if it would be the last thing that i will ever feel or express emotions and thoughts on. i wonder if that's the reason why i'm changed and why i'm acting this way because this isn't the person that i really wanted to turn into and yet my words contradict my thoughts because i just can't seem to help thinking and acting this way.

suddenly i would think about the people around me that i've treated unfairly,i've been weird,strange and all like the person that they didn't used to know yet at the same time not many realised it because of the front that i've shown and the feelings that i've kept within.

i'm afraid that i'll change into someone or something far worse from my imagination for my conscious self seem to be crumbling,moulding and eventually succumb to the dark side.

some people say that i ask or expect too much out of everything but i am no perfectionist and i know it but if one does not have a set of standard to the things that you do and expect then life would be meaningless with low expectations,hardly any challenges and probably would be lacking in excitement.

so for now i'm still trying even though it's hard but i'll try eventually to pick up all the broken pieces left by T.

feeling weird today..

2008-01-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

was doing stuff as usual,woke up at around 10 or 11 plus and i did what i did almost everyday which is reading the papers,thinking about stuff and what are my thoughts about it followed by some reading and talking on phone with my weirdo mei,dinner then i slept at around 8+.

funny thing was that i had a dream and i dreamt about the people around me,even though i couldn't remember much but it gave me a nostalgic feeling afterwards when i woke up at around 11+.

i don't know why but i have this feeling of wanting yet at the same time i'm afraid and scared of the aftermath as it reminds me of the past. its definitely going to be on my mind these few days and that i hope it will just go away with my sheer hope and confidence for the future that beholds and awaits.

flaws with our society's upbringing?

2008-01-26T09:31:00.000-08:00

even though this does not apply to everyone but i personally believe that this applies to teenagers of my generation whereby we are brought up,taught and trained to be afraid. afraid of what? almost everything but let's start from how our so called future "career" path is planned out for us by our parents or at least most of our parents and mine included.

do you remember when you were young,you were casually or seriously told to study hard so that you could someday be a lawyer,doctor or a civil servant? considering the public sector used to be called a "iron bowl" because of the post of a civil servant used to be assumed as one that would provide you with a stable job till you reach retirement age or a lawyer or doctor that's assumed to be earning the most in the industry and is one of the highly respected occupation.

but there's what i feel is something that isn't bad but it isn't good either because there's no balance and there's too much assumption resulting in majority of the people thinking of just a straight path without considering any other ways that one could define themselves as one of a successful person.

in this sense,we are brought up to be perfectionist and that we aren't allowed to make mistakes in life and that will it would cause major embarrassment to the family or to themselves. we were brought up into a "risk free or little risk" mindset whereby we seldom take risk and we tend to go the safest way but it's also seen as a standard style for the majority of the people.

i believe that the following scenario would come familar to some of us,how many times have we had cold water poured on? how many times have we heard all forms of discouragement? for the lucky few that recieved the opposite treatment,you'r lucky to be born in a understanding family but for the majority we were expected to go through the "standard" route in life.

what would the response be when a business venture is discussed by the children to their parents? their replies would probably be that business isn't as easy as it seem or some other reason implying a distrust.what would the response be when we discussed about investing? risks are high and that it would probably be better off leaving the money in the bank earning a measly 0.25%. but these are the things that are killing our dare to risk attitude and that we would one day be trained to not even take calculated risk and just forgo a good opportunity altogether.

when we were young and back then when there was the em3 stream in primary schools,we were told to study hard and not to end up in the em3 stream and for secondary schools we have the normal technical,normal academic and express stream and after secondary level we have the ITE,junior colleges,Polytechnics and universities whereby it all leads to one thing, and that only by studying hard and only by pursuing the paper can we succeed and excel in life.

and this i believe have resulted in stress which were unnecessary for people who have no management over stress and having the mindset and lead to belief that they are doomed in society and hence resulted in potential bright talents giving up hope in studies,life and everything eles.

what i believe would be that by educating,counselling and helping our youths realise where their interest lies at and how to develop and further build on it,we can let them see light at the end of the tunnel instead of just darkness. for example in singapore we have david gan as a successful hairstylist,we have jack neo who quitted his job as actor and started a film production company,we have sim wong hoo who started creative and got it publicly listed and even though it hasn't been doing so well lately, it still deserves our applaud for its "daring" attitude for if you know its past, way before creative got listed on the stock exchange it came from humble beginnings and they didn't really see profit till a few years later.

what is crucial now would be to start educating future generations and it could start with ours and now so that we wouldn't give the same treatment to our children as our parents did to us. encourage risk taking attitude but not risks that are clearly very much against its odds,accept failures and learn from the mistakes and never make the same mistakes again as this is what i feel makes life more fulfilling because i personally like to experience the ups and downs but eventually i will learn and get back on my feet again.

in life,it isn't just a straight road but it's more like our mass rapid transport system whereby there's linkage everywhere and even though it may take more time to reach our destination,but we will still reach it nevertheless as one success isn't defined by others but only truly by one's self. take pride in the things that you do and you'll feel proud to be part of it,feel ashamed and you shall fail at it.

22/01/08

2008-01-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

exams are over and i'm currently having term break till class starts on febuary 18. i'm scheduled for an essay but life seems to be pretty boring these days like there's something lacking in my life. could it be that i'm missing the excitment of having exams?

i hate exams but i'm also looking forward to them because it could be that in my life i'm also searching for ways to prove my worth and test myself as i believe that life should be full of trials.

the feeling is equivalent to that of one that have already planned out a holiday and gets all excited but gets the kind of...lifeless feeling after it. what i believe that one should do would be to always plan ahead for events and occasions so that one would feel fulfilling and a create sense of gratification within themselves and that i believe is the key to further enriching one's life and self.

thoughts going through my head..lots of them but mainly about the new semester and what it will be like for me after i graduate and whether i will be further pursuing higher form of studies or another path which would be corelated but at the same time the temptation of finding a job is there as i am a person who is always seeking and wanting excitement wherever i go or do.

finding a job,further studies or to start my own business? seems like a tough choice but at the same time these conventional routes still doesn't seem to appeal to my other self which seeks indifference and differentiation from the rest of the normal people who are mainly "tamed" into studying hard,get a job(preferbly in the government sector)get married and live off the rest of their lives peacefully.

thoughts about certain people came to my mind and how i should react because i admit that i'm bad with my interpersonal skills but i'm working on it and slowly but certainly improving as i believe that words are often more impactful in transmitting the message as compared to the fist.

self reflection have shown that i've improved from being a shy guy to a..not so shy guy in the sense that i didn't really like to interact with people and was anti social due to certain reasons,i've become more matured in a way that i'm not the guy that only knows how to play but i am actually planning my own future,i'm not that paranoid to every single thing or action but the way in which i think is getting weirder.

for example a thought came to my mind today as to if it is possible for singapore to have a military school where kids are sent to it to be groomed and trained to be future specialists,officers or key appointment holders. be it in tactics,strategies,history whereby mistakes of the past can be learned and adapted into the modern military and ways in which how to treat people or how they react or even how usage of advanced technology can be key in warfare.

anyway for now what i have currently planned would be to get started on the essay,look forward to next term's break as i'll be going for the basic theory test,finish up the books that i've bought and to look forward to my dissertation and graduation.

good luck to me

2008-01-15T09:35:00.001-08:00

will be having my first exam entrepreneurship and enterprise in five years this coming evening at 6:30 and marketing communications strategy this thursday so wish me luck. ^^.V

means or meanie testing?

2008-01-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

means testing have been discussed by many in recent days but what should be the determining factor as to how much one will be subsidised for hospitalisation fees?

there are some who mentioned the type of housing that one lives in as a standard but being realistic i believe that it is common for people these days to be asset rich and cash poor and living in landed property and driving luxurious cars may not mean anything especially in the new era of credit whereby almost every big purchase may be paid for in instalments.

and lets not forget the amount of people or families living in a landed property should also be taken into consideration,as well as the price at which it was purchased divided by per head living under the roof,the price in which it is currently valuated and various other factors like monthly household expenditure,inflation,total income divided per head and so on which is tedious and pretty much hard to calculate to act as a determinant or as a benchmark.

there are another group that suggests the middle and top income cohort of the group should be the ones that doesn't require much subsidising which is what i believe is better as they are looking at a graduated reduced subsidise accordingly in terms of percentage. the motive in the first place is so as to allocate more resources to the needy which i totally agree with on one end but on the other hand would the calculations be fair and just as one's wealth will be based on income tax and cpf contributions?

we heard stories of how businesses evaded taxes by under declaring profits and stuff but yet at the same time they are living in hdb flats appearing to be of the lower income earners.one of the examples if we remember would be how the curry puff stall owner evaded taxes and how high is annual turn is which turns out to be 1.06 million over 6 years which turns out to be 14.7k a month.

http://wineanddine.asiaone.com/Wine%252CDine+%2526+Unwind/Features/Topics/Story/A1Story20071016-30397.html

by doing so are we in a sense saying that there should be a luxury tax slapped just because people are rich and successful? is it reasonable or just to do so and if so where and how will entrepreneurs or high income earners find their motivation from knowing that being rich just means that you pay for more when medical treatment is free in places like the U.K even though taxes are high there but at least everyone is equal.

knowing that they have to pay for more,naturally they would be more reluctant to spend as there is lesser disposable income be it towards eating out,shopping,spending on luxuries like cabs,tipping and even towards charity and in the long run might discourage spending and cause a recession due to businesses cutting costs and firing people and when people are fired they won't have disposable income to buy daily necessities which in turn hurts businesses more and would turn into a vicious cycle.

of course people may argue that this may just be a worst case scenario but its possible with more singaporeans enjoying delicious but oily food and leading a more unhealthy lifestyle. especially people with chronic disease like diabetes and so on. and hence more hospitalisation fees would be incurred especially by people of the middle and top income earners.

people believed that the poor should be entitled to the subsidise more than the middle and top income earners but how are we to ensure that fair treatment is given out and it wouldn't hurt them significantly in the pocket? if so wouldn't it be better if everyone who holds a pink ic be given the same subsidise and let people who are better off and not willing to wait and want better service seek private yet more costly treatment since that would ensure that only those who really have the spare cash on hand can afford it.

corporal punishment in schools

2008-01-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

i had a dream today and it was about this teacher that i had mixed feelings for back when i was 12. there was both fear and respect for her because the sight of her welding her almighty metal ruler at that point of time created a urge in my playful nature that i must finish her homework promptly if i want to avoid a beating on my palm. the respect for her is because the way she taught me,made me understood more and to be able to comprehend the syllabus easier with ease.

she was also the only teacher that i remembered in my primary school and she was also the one that gave us alot of advice before leaving primary school like not having premartial sex and so on.

corporal punishment be it in school or at home is very common in africa and most of the south east asia countries and is still being implemented and meted out.

for singapore corporal punishment in schools have widely been both encouraged yet criticized partially because as our society progresses,it hurts parents to see their children being punished especially those of high social standing yet on the other hand parents want teachers to discipline their children for them as they feel that as children are spending the bulk of their time in school,they would be in a better position compared to the parents to monitor and discipline their children.

one belongs to the traditional group that believes that only by beating the child can the child experience pain and hopefully change and be a better person. this group of parents most likely experienced corporal punishments themselves when they were young and hence believes that you got to beat the child to mould their character.

another belongs to the reformist group whereby they do not believe in inflicting pain on the child to make them change. this group of parents most likely belong to a group of people with high social standing who have never experienced such punishments themselves when they were young and now that they have grown up to be parents,they see no need for punishments in singapore's society as they themselves have grown up to be fine.

what i personally believe would be a combination of both attitudes for it to be utilised to its best. between the age of 1-12 would be what i believe is the moulding of one's character and attitude towards people and things like money and such so i encourage the usage of corporal punishment here.

one of the naughty things that i did when i was young was that i stole a bottle of shiny flakes from the bookstore and its something that cost only 20 cents back then but when my mum found out,i got a serious trashing from her and it hurts so much that i told myself then that i will never steal again. i did lots of naughty things when i was young and i was the kind that couldn't sit still for even 5 minutes and i was the kind that wanted chaos,war and politics.

anyway back to the topic i believe that the age of 13 onwards would be the teenage rebellious age whereby corporal punishments would be counter productive and even put off students to be even more stubborn,resilience and do illegal stuff outside school like joining of gangs,underage smoking,stealing and so on.

i believe that this is the age whereby drilling them with both counselling,one to one talks,doing of social work and helping them understand themselves and achieve their goals and dreams would be more efficient and better in the long run. and its only when all eles fails then i believe that places like boys/girls home would be the last resort as it takes away their freedom and teaches them to think of the long term and not to take freedom for granted.

i believe in equal opportunities be it people from the NT/NA/EXPRESS steam or students from ite/poly/jc because as long as you understand yourself and work towards your dreams,anything can be your niche and can be your success point. there are people who are successful in their own area of work be it as a hair stylist,entrepreneurs,engineers,managers or even security guards because our society doesn't just make up of any one kind of people but instead its the combination of everyone that makes a vibrant society and economy.

happy new year =D

2007-12-31T09:17:00.000-08:00

year 2007 is already over in the blink of an eye.it seems that time is drifting fast past us yet tickling slow at the same time but within this time span of 12 months have we ever thought about the things that have happened in our lives or things that are happening around us and how we could maybe do something to make a difference.

among them are some of the things that affects our daily lives the most.
1.GST raised to 7%
2.cab fare hikes
3.inflation rate of 4.2% at a all 25 year high
4.en bloc frenzy / property boom
5.bullish economy

personally i'm all for GST increases.reasons being compared to most of the well developed countries,GST have been considered pretty low by standard. for example GST tax in new zealand is a hefty 12.5%.

hong kong which is supposed to be a mirror image of singapore as a financial hub does not have GST and their overall taxation rate is lower than ours BUT what many people do not really think about is that hong kong is afterall a part of china and hence they do not have to spend on defence unlike us whereby this year alone we have already bought a new batch of leopard tanks which is currently one of the best main battle tanks in the world and stuff like increasing of NSF's allowances,regulars pay,improving of army infrastructures and better welfare for the men and so on as the list is endless.

while some may argue that being in a world that we live in now where it's peaceful and such,is there such a need to actually spend 10.58 billion alone in the fiscal year 07? being a small country with no natural land barrier or terrain to act as a form of defence and our neighbours constantly banging on our doors,going on the offensive,taking the initiative and knowing that we are superior to our neighbours in terms of skilled soldiers and the firepower keeps me at ease and allows me to sleep peacefully at night knowing that we are safe because we are not complacent with ourselves. it is only after going through national service that i actually understood and realise the importance of it and allowed me to look at things from a bigger picture and perspective.

one of the people that i respected the most were the jews,many a times they were outnumbered but they still won but mainly because of their survival instint,desire to live and protect their families back in israel and what i would believe is their readiness and flexibility to adapt to all forms of threat that they forsaw.

one of my favourite examples would be the six day war whereby israel faced the front against egypt,jordan,lebanon and syria and that's not including the supplies and indirect aid from russia,the additional troops from kuwait,algeria,saudi arabia and iraq to the fronts.

http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/History/67_War.html

i feel that learning from history and the past have always been a important part of my life and i see ourselves in the exact situation as them except that we'r not in such a hot situation compared to theirs but in life one can never be too careful against threats,both internally and externally.

another point to note would be that we don't really appreciate the things that we have and we tend to take them for granted. take for example singapore being one of the top and best in terms of low crime rates,low levels of corruption,easily avaliable help from government agencies,infrastructures like roads and power supplies. well being one of the best in all the key areas takes money and it's not a matter of making things work but making things work at its very best and putting singapore right at the top and being recognised as one of the best in the world.
so that people would remember and think of us and for us to build singapore as a brand to remember.be it a place to migrate to,a place to invest in or maybe even a place to have holidays.

raising the GST also allows us to balance and to lower the corporate tax rate to match those of other countries like hong kong. the purpose? MNC's attracted to singapore will create jobs,would pour in investments be in directly or indirectly it will benefit us and it's also a way of solving a social and economic problem.

anyway heres my new year resolution for 2008 =D
1.meet more screwed up people like hypocrites,backstabbers,idiots and such so i can learn early and young from experience
2.hopefully meet someone nice that thinks alike or in the same direction
3.meet and know more people/friends with no ulterior motive
4.chaos in the world as it's the only way to prove man's worth in times of crisis
5.get married by next year :)

will continue part 2 sometime soon with what i believe links inflation,bullish economy and en bloc/property boom and such altogether.

teachers/principals to get new pay package

2007-12-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

the ministry of education have announced that there will be bonuses and pay increment in commensuration to the teacher's and principal's performances which i find is highly applausable as it would balance up and keep the competitiveness level of the public and private sector there.there would also be more loans,grants for teachers to upgrade themselves as to whether they want to be be specialised in certain areas or to obtain a degree.

i personally believe that education is a key area in which we should spare no expenses in which to create and mould our leaders and thinkers of tomorrow. as human resource is the only thing available to us,we can only build up on this aspect and compete with their countries to attract multi national corporations,foreign direct investments and such into singapore as we would have the expertise in terms of a skilled labour force which would give us an edge over some of our asian counterparts.

with the private sector being more lucrative and attractive,i believe that it may be time for us to look at other key areas of the public sector where we can work on being more competitive to attract the best talents and not losing the brain drain.

singaporeans are always complaining when people from the public sector gets a pay raise or more bonuses and such but have they looked at their contributions and have they looked at what people from other industries and fields are earning? top lawyers are getting 9 month bonuses,private bankers are earning like 30k a month etc. if we are always complaining about the public sector's pay hike, let me ask you if you would be willing to work as a civil servant and get 5k a month or would you rather work for a multi national corporation and earn twice or even more? especially when you'r getting a lower pay compared to the private sector and yet at the same time people hardly appreciates the work that you are doing.

just think of the result,the consequences and don't just speak without thinking

anyway back to the point,what comes to my mind now would be who decides the grading and would the grading be justified and without prejudice?

for example if the grading is done by a head of department and both teacher A and B puts in hard work and effort but because teacher B decides to be a little more friendly to the head of department which is a opposite sex,teacher B might get a 4.25 months bonus while teacher A might only get 2 months extra.

what i'm trying to say is that humans are afterall emotional and there is no way we can decide on something fairly like say a computer. men are often subjective depending on the environment and situation that they are in.

what im saying would be that office politics and such shouldn't be ruled out and that there shouldn't just be a person doing the grading but what i would suggest would be to get the parents teachers association,students,principals and head of departments to do the grading and do a overall average.just like maybe a overall worked and improved on appraisal so as to reduce the chance of foul play.

its friday + game review

2007-12-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

it's been actually quite sometime since i actually felt free like a bird. i'm finally done with my portfolio and now all that's left is just to bind it properly and study for my exams which is in 3 weeks time. (14-17 jan 08 period) until then i got no classes so...yeah im going to study,read,read,read and maybe play =x

anyway people who knows me well will know that im a gamer and being a all rounder gamer,i believe that it is my task to uphold this duty of spreading and doing reviews on the nice and maybe...not so nice games. be it stand alone single player ones or massive multiplay online ones.

theres this mmo game that i remembered quite clearly. mind you that there are countless titles of mmo games out there right now but i remembered this because of its unique feature and gameplay.

it's different from any mmorpg that i played because character development isn't exactly through grinding and leveling but through usage of skills and such.

it allows you to play a role of a pirate or the navy. there's the gathering of raw materials,refining them and then manufacturing them into usable goods. there's fishing,sea battles with pirates,siege wars between nations and trading whereby one nation's abundance can be another's scarce.

more can be read here http://vc.igg.com/getting.php

it's a game whereby there's plenty to do and it's a game that you'll never get bored of if you like to play something unique yet bypass the conventional level grinding then this might just be the same for you. whether you have the dreams of being a notorious pirate,a rich trader or just someone who commandeers a battleship with big guns,its all up to you as the possibilities are endless...or not that endless but wide =p

my overall rating for this game would be 8.5/10
it would have been better if there was more help/guide/tutorials on how to properly make full use of the game.

register here
http://rich.igg.com/igg/261

direct download links
http://208.53.158.141/vc/vc_20071213_1.30.exe
ftp://64.20.39.202/vc/vc_20071213_1.30.exe

torrent
http://70.85.177.218/vc/vc_20071213_1.30.torrent

offical website
http://www.voyagecenturyonline.com/

wow wow wow

2007-12-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

one of the early days mmorpgs that i still enjoy and liked till now have offically gone f2p or at least near there with no level restrictions till level 99 then you'll have to pay if you wanna go on to becoming a master or a sub class so yeah heres the game and the link

http://www.darkages.com/

and do pm me if you wanna play as well cause the game is just so fxxxing cute >.<

the reason behind the decisions

2007-12-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

in singapore we hear complains about government policies very often. be it on taxis,in coffeeshops or even among neighbours. but people often don't realise that its these very tough decisions that benefit us in the long run.

in singapore because it can be still considered a one political party ruling,that's why they can afford to make harsh decisions that are for our own good yet people begrudge them without knowing the true reason behind.

well one of the many complains that i hear often is that the price of coe (certificate of entitement) is high,the prices of diesel are high,the price of erp (electronic road pricing)is getting more and more expensive.

if we look from another point of view what will happen if its affordable to own a car in singapore where the roads are already tight as it is and there are traffic jams often during the peak hours?

the roads will be more jammed and people will end up complaining again and we will have another new round of problem on how to solve the traffic problem but isn't it already solved in the first place? one of the possible outcome would be businesses would be put off or discouraged to base their operations here because in hong kong,it is common for usage of helicopters for multi national corporations but in singapore it just doesn't seem to be quite realistic at this point of time due to national security and so on.

and what will happen if foreign businesses stopped basing here? there would be unemployment,lower consumer spending,recession as there are lesser money circulating in the economy here and also due to businesses cutting cost and social issues would arise with higher crime rate and the perception of singapore as one of the safest city in the world would be lowered and confidence level in us would be lowered as well and hence lesser foreign direct investments,lesser jobs and our standard of living would be lowered and our overall singapore brand would be destroyed overnight.

there are alot of implications that people dont realise and these are just some that i can think up of in a matter of minutes. so the next time something happens don't just be selfish and think of how it's going to affect you directly but rather look at things indirectly and you will feel that we have a good government here that plans for our future.

what will happen if the singapore government subsidises diesel just like our neighbouring countries?

others say that if we subsidise diesel then it would benefit the lower income but if we look from another perspective, who are the main users or owners of private vehicles? it would benefit business the most,it would benefit rich people who drives the most and we will not be reaching our objective of helping the lower income but would instead the opposite effect would kick in.

to me i don't really see the need for cars since public transports and taxis are still relatively affordable. and we can get to almost anywhere in singapore with little inconvenience and great ease. but i don't blame people these days because as standard of living increases,their demand for lifestyle becomes bigger as well and they generally want the best. but we should always take a look at ourselves and live within our means.

one of the reason why i respect this government is because they'r not afraid of making unpopular decisions and spending their political capital. such as implementing rules and regulations against smoking in pubs,clubs,coffeeshops and bus interchanges and also raising tax on cigarettes. over the years,tax on cigarettes have risen by more than 50% with a pack of 10's a couple of years back at $2.20 to above $10 for a pack of 20's now.

another one thing that's been on my mind is that why are people complaining about the ministers pay. one can argue that they are after all civil servants and shouldn't be commanding high pay but another can argue back that if you do some comparisons what they'r earning may not be as high compared to the private sector and here what we should do should not be do comparing between salaries but between responsibilities between a corporation and one of the most sucessful country in the world.

a CEO may get stock option and such that can boost his personal wealth by a couple of million or more but the ministers do not get such good welfare and the most that they will get would be bonuses at the end of the year like everyone eles,private or public sector alike. and without high salary pegged with responsibilities can we assure that the next generation of leaders would be...committed,uncorrupt and would we be able to attract the right talents? since the private sector pays better? i believe that what our government is doing would be to always do some balancing here and there but how we view of them would be a guage as to how mature singaporeans are and have become =)

tired,depressed and feeling all weird

2007-12-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

i'm feeling more tired than ever these days because of studies,project and countless weird stuff that im thinking of that hounds me every night and yet at the same time i'm scared partially because of the way i'm changing and the person that i will become.

it's scaring me,the thought about it scares me. i would think back about the person i was before and even though i was even more weird back due to me being too paranoid about everyone,every thing and every event around us but at least i was a honest,decent and serious guy or at least towards people that i feel that deserves a fair treatment.

but recently when i did a self reflection i realised that i changed. i didn't really think about it until a particularly good and close friend that mentioned it that made me start to really think about what he said. at that point of time i would think of the root of the problem and the process and the outcome of what i become but i do not know back then. i guess it's easier to tell certain things from a third person view as i'm used to telling him most of the stuff pertaining to myself.

and earlier on when i was reading the papers and listening to a particular song it just struck me. the reason why i change,the process and who i am today. it was because of my feelings for someone that haven't been forgotton yet,it was the memories of her singing a particular song that got to me when i heard it again. it was her voice her actions her everything that just came back.

the person i am today...is kind of a bastard i suppose. i'm doing certain things to try and forget her but is it fair to the rest of the innocent people? now i'm all confused as to what i should do,think or continue on from here on. but i find it really hard...truly ...to trust people anymore,i find it hard to treat everyone as if they'r all truthful. i see doubts in them and i see doubts in myself.

it seems easier to quit smoking than it is to forget her. it may seem stupid to some but i like yet hate her at the same time.

i guess from this post some people might be able to see/guess/assume or even read more of me based on our previous conversations and such and even though i hate the feeling of being read like a book but i can't help it because i really need a place to...let it all out and because i can't stand it/myself anymore.

i'm changing..definitely..good to bad to worse and for what why and how? answers...i need them...

rising taxi prices

2007-12-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

well it is almost a go for raising the flag down fee to $2.80 or $3. increasing pace of the ticks on the cab and maybe some adjustments to the surcharges.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/cna/cgi-bin/search/search_7days.pl?status=&search=taxi&id=315171

anyway i checked out a local forum and this thought just came to me. why are people whining over everything especially taxis? as standard of living increases and lets not forget our favourite inflation that kicks in, prices will forever go up and if you noticed,nothing will ever come down so the only way to tackle this issue would be to look for other alternatives or to get a pay raise from your boss.

anyway for taxi drivers,they work hard but due to rising diesel costs,inflation and stuff like that their earnings are getting cut by $10-$20 bucks a day. and if we do some comparison,taxis in developed countries like london and such are much more expensive compared to singapore and the trade off of taking taxis is convenience at a cost not convenience at no cost. so i hope that people can really think about it and appreciate what we have currently and compare with other countries instead of whining like little bitches that didn't get their piece of pie.

the public transport system in singapore is so convenient that we can basically reach anywhere in singapore in like an hour or 1.5 hours max that is if we'r travelling from one end of singapore to another. compared to other countries,they have to drive for couple of hours just to reach their destination. so i guess we'r pretty lucky to be in a small country with good infrastructure where taxis isn't always needed.

to me if taxis are getting expensive just cut down or stop taking it and take the public transport instead. it might take longer compared to taking a taxi but that 20-30 mins of your time could save you like 8 or 9 dollars? so do your maths unless you'r a CEO or Managing Director or some big fish of some listed company of some sort and you find that 20-30 mins of your time is really that important, there is no need for people like us to take taxis really.

of course i find that the new taxi hike charges is still considered reasonable,at least reasonable to the average people like me and i will cut down on taxis unless absolutely necessary partially due to me still being a student getting only $320 a month >.<

crazily emotional

2007-12-02T05:26:00.000-08:00

am i crazy or emotional or have a combination of both?

at times i feel paranoid and i would think negatively and about alot of stuff that might or might not be happening i dont know but i keep feeling this way and i cant help it.

is it because im still having fear inside me so much that i'm afraid of the consequences,implications and the aftermath?

im afraid of making assumptions,im afraid that im starting to think things the wrong way,im afraid of making the same old mistakes that i did back then. i'm really afraid and i really do.

im also emotional because i would really think about her alot at times but im also scared of myself and what im feeling. i would wonder,i do not know what about but i would wonder at times about stuff related to her.

i feel that i dont really know much about her and i would feel sad at times because partially i feel that she still doesnt trust me yet and is still closing herself up.

i would also feel sad at times with the way she is and the way she treats me. deep inside i wanted to be unique,i wanted to be just like a standalone product on the shelf but...bleah tired,and starting to get sick...love sick that is.

rich and yet frugal

2007-11-29T00:27:00.000-08:00

what kind of impression comes to mind when i mention the word billionaire or even millionaire? must he/she be living in big houses,own the most prestigious cars?wine and dine at the most high end restaurants?spend and live everyday like a king?

the answer is no,the majority of the people who reached where they are today have a interesting story to tell about their childhood,about how hardworking they become and where their turning point is and here we'r talking about average people like you and me not people who got their wealth from inheritance.

one of the people that i would like to model from is warren buffet.he is one of the richest guy in the world YET he lived frugally and apart from that,he also pledged to donate a bulk of his wealth to a foundation set up by both bill gates and his wife.

here's a link where you can read and perhaps understand a little more about him when he was a kid and his mentality and maybe even change your mindset of rich people.
http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2006/12/19/the-billionaire-next-door-the-wisdom-of-warren-buffett/

when we say frugal we would think about being cheap. but there's a huge difference between these 2. another of my favourite guy is donald trump he is a guy that bounced back on his feet when he was down and got back up to where he was today AND he was frugal in the sense that he knows how to enjoy life without spending big money on ridiculous stuff.

more can be read about the difference between frugal and cheap here.
http://www.clubmom.com/display/242837

here is something that i find interesting if you really need a guideline on how to better manage your money.
http://www.frugallawstudent.com/category/money-management/

what is the definition and link between rich,wealth and financially independent?

being rich doesn't just come all of a sudden unless you are one of those lucky fellows that got a sudden windfall from lottery and such otherwise its not going to happen and even if you do strike lottery,chances are you will blow all of it within a year because you do not know the concept of money and how to manage your wealth.

majority of the rich people that worked their way up have something in common. they'r all businessmen/businesswomen. instead of working hard,they work smart and think of unique niches that have not yet been fulfilled in the market due to negligence by competitors or what so ever reasons. take google,walmart,microsoft or virgin for example. so instead of working for others and working up the corporate ladder,i prefer to work for myself and have others work for me and earning money for me.

what is wealth? we often heard of wealth creation blah blah blah but what is it exactly? its a very simple logic of (income - monthly expenses = wealth) and whatever that's left of it is your wealth and can be used for "wealth creation" and growing. so think twice the next time you use that credit card and decide to pay the minimum amount and roll over the rest as they have a annual interest rate of 24%.

when we were young we were taught to save our pocket money into these piggy banks. i remembered that i had one and when it was full my mum would break it open and help me put the sum in my bank account. but when i grew up i realised that what she never taught me is to actually grow that amount and make it work for me. so now when i read more and understand more,i kind of understood more as to how i should be actually be going about doing and making certain decisions and what i can pass on and teach my future kids. :)

when we heard the term financial independent we see it as a almighty word,it sounds both profound yet...alien to us. what does this really mean? its something that i would like to achieve before the age of 45-50. it simply means that i can have the option of just quitting my job and retiring or just plain doing the stuff that i enjoy doing. by doing so,it gives me a sense of financial security and makes me feel more at ease instead of having to worry whether when will i be able to pay off that housing loan etc. in a way i guess i will be more healthy and life would be more meaningful for me =p.

1.so now think about some issues

like how long would you have to work to be able to pay off all your debts? 60? 70? 80?

by when can you really retire?

will you be in financial difficulty if something major and unexpected were to pop up? will you be able to solve the crisis?

2.now think about these

what can you do to solve all these? what steps? by when? whos involved?

lies,right or wrong?

2007-11-26T08:23:00.000-08:00

before you say out your answer,think about it. is a white lie aka san yi de huang yan really that bad? or is it wrong no matter how you look at it?

here's how i look at it,if its a lie with the intention of good faith then i think that it is a good lie and i do not mind. but some people do no matter what are the reasons or rationale behind that lie.

example 1;if A guy lied to the B girl about his hobbies,interest and habits just so that he could get into the girl's good books.

is it right or wrong to you? to me it's a white lie because this shows how desperation and love for this girl is that you could lie and probably change yourself just for her.

example 2;if A guy lied to C girl that he likes her but he does not. this is obviously a bad one

last example 3;if A guy lied to C girl that he likes her but he does not.BUT the rationale behind this is that he knows that the girl is emotional,easily hurt and really likes him and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

to me i find that it's a white lie. noticed that example 2 and 3 are almost identical but example 3 listed out the rationale. so this shows that a lie MAY NOT be a bad one unless we can say for sure that we truly understand the reason for the lie.

sometimes i would think about this and ask myself if i have done the right thing by either lying to myself or to others. be it a white lie or not i would think deep and ponder about it.

sometimes i would be scared,i would have the feeling of guilt inside me and i would have this really very strong feeling to say out the truth but when i do,i would think about the aftermath and the reaction and the possible outcomes and that alone scares me and the thought about losing someone precious leaving me just...stops me from doing the right thing at times.

i know it isn't a really good reason for me or anyone to lie but that's how i really felt partially because i once felt that i had everything and the next moment i had next to nothing and i feel nothing but pain,pain so often and too much that you feel numb eventually and would just take it as a norm and just unknowing or unconsciously do something that might be considered as inconsiderate or would hurt others.

well i guess that life isn't going to be exactly like a fairy tale where things will work out straight at the end. life is just so full of disappointments,lies,betrayals and so on. you'll see all sorts of people like hypocrites,liars,backstabbers etc.

to me i dont like to lie because i would feel guilty and then followed by confused and i would start thinking alot of things and implications. i realised this when i was still serving ns and we did some...naughty things and i felt bad and guilty and from then on i never did that again.

maybe because im such a bad person,sometimes i would think alot alot alot more on ways to further improve myself just so that i could be a better person. anyway am feeling tired,confused,sad and i dont know why. could be that retribution is here to take it all away again..

ps:feeling cold not physically but mentally if anyone understands what it means

the way people feel,do,react

2007-11-23T22:26:00.000-08:00

pretty bored and tired and thoughts are just drifting through my mind. thoughts about how did the so called jerks,bastards,bitches and sluts come about and are they really born this way or did the environment,people and past experiences change and mould them into the way they are today.

i figured that based on the people that i've seen,people are generally changed because they like to avoid pain and do not wish to go through the same thing over again that's why they would prefer and rather change and do not mind being labelled as a bad person if that would give them self satisfaction and gratification.

but for the majority of the people,changes do not come that fast it's only after a certain amount of experience that we have this built into mind concept that for example out of 10 people 9 of them act this way and thats the rationale given to them by the brain that gives/pushes them to act the way that i feel is happening.

i personally believe and have this mindset in place that people are good by nature and that they just want things to go the normal and usual way but because of the bad people in the "market" that they change by forces of influence and become bad themselves and become confused but eventually they see it as a norm and things just go in a cycle and things would repeat itself with them influencing the innocent,pure and good minded people into becoming bad and so on and so forth.

first we have someone who is in a neutral mind of thought > exposure to a third party > emotions towards him/her/it/them > commitment > painful experience followed by mixed emotions,distrust and then changes eventually.

now lets think about the different stages of thought during the process. when someone is in a neutral mind of thought meaning he/she is in a stage whereby they have not experienced the pain yet and generally feel happy have alot of trust in the other party.

followed by exposure to a third party that could be knowing another someone like a friend of a friend and so on. and then after that comes the emotions whereby you may feel a liking or dislike towards the person or a certain group of people and it continues down the chain if theres a positive feeling,if not it will just go back to the start.

and here comes commitment it is whereby you have a feeling and not just a feeling but a very strong one because you trust that the person would be there forever and not betray you and leave you in the lurch and so on.

but here comes the changing point of the person, its where the person feels hurt,sad,depressed ,feeling down and that the pain and everything that happened was just a fantasy,dream or a illusion and that everyone eles is generally going to be acting the same way. and then when the person is self motivated again,feels that he/she must change in order to survive thats when the change kicks in.

for example our mind will always try to find common similarities in past experiences and try to consolidate them together and find if there's anything in common and avoid the pain altogether or we would accept that its something common and do it ourselves just because everybody eles is doing it.

the person would change his character,his personality maybe even traits and mindset to suit that of someone that would want to avoid pain and seek pleasure. meaning someone that would like to have the pleasure of being loved and have fun and stuff yet avoid the process of being hurt again and would be more cautious and perhaps even be someone bad themselves to avoid the pain.

it's a self protecting mechanism that everyone have or rather the majority of us have. once bitten twice shy kind of situation that we'r looking at here. people have generally been this way,they like to take things the easy way out and not the longer but more secure path.

so as to whether if it's the right or wrong way to think/do/react to this pain avoiding system i do not know. but i do know that there's no right or wrong because can we really blame them when we are not so perfect ourselves?

people will always find faults,people will always want to seek perfection as far as possible and people would never be content. the rich will always want more and so do the poor. humans all have a certain amount of lust,gluttony,greed,sloth,wrath,envy and pride within ourselves. it's also because of these things inside us that makes each and everyone of us a bad person in a way. depending on how you personally view,value and weigh each and everyone of these.

for example when a question like what do you think is the best car is asked,people would name different brands,models for various reasons but when asked what do you think is the second best car? people wouldn't know because each and everyone of us got a kind of filter and ranking system in our mind.

we know whats the best in our own perception but people usually will not think about whats the second best alternative and the same applies to people as well. people would generally only want the best but do they ever take these into consideration? that the human mind is much more complex than just a car? it's very hard to gauge a person and even so it will be based on what the person wants to show and not what he wants to hide.

we all have our strengths and weaknesses but not everyone shows them either consciously or unconsciously and sometimes people are being judged too soon too fast too quick too harsh that people's feelings get hurt. i truly believe that to fully understand someone would take years and even so,some people do not even understand themselves to begin with.let alone allow others to understand what they'r thinking or the understanding the reason behind the actions.

it's also the reason why divorce happens because at that point when they have truly understood each other,it's already too late. you have kids you have this and that but the love isn't there anymore,the feelings and assumptions for the other party have totally changed.

to me being friends is at the understanding of each other stage. after that if both parties are fine with each other they go on dates,get together in a relationship where they further try to comprehend each other and its what i call the "trial" stage. its a stage where you try each other out and see if you'r compatible for each other or if you can understand him/her before moving on to the "contract" stage. its a stage whereby you put everything in paper and ink and commit yourself totally to one another and start a family based on trust,feelings and visions for the future.

to me personally i'm a very simple and emotional person who asks for a bare minimum and that is only a commitment,a feeling,the trust and sense of security as so that i can be able to be myself and not change dramatically because of someone eles and having to force myself to change into someone that i myself and everyone hates when things go wrong.

what i want;freedom,choice of options
what i hate;people treating me as if i'm a fool,restricting me like a lab mice

i like people who can think on their own,independent,mature and understanding.

everything seems pretty neat and simple huh but how many people can actually fits the bill? i know being imperfect myself at this point of time doesn't really permits me to ask for much but i believe that this would be the bare minimum no?

some interesting stuff that you can read up yourself on the weaknesses of the human race http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Deadly_Sins

realising changes around us

2007-11-22T05:25:00.000-08:00

i can still remember near my place theres these little trees along the road a couple years back that i would walked pass when i go to and back from school. but when i looked over the same patch of plot a couple hours ago from the place where i live,what i saw totally amazed me.the little trees have grown and became big ones that are capable of providing shade.

somehow this thought came to my mind. i was once again taking the things,environment and people around me for granted again. i would do a make believe dream to convince myself that they would always be there but the truth is they won't. things come and go fast and often,environment changes without us noticing it,and people changes very fast so fast that sometimes you will be scared of it and start changing yourself just so that you can better prepare and protect yourself for the upcoming battles in life that you will be facing.

for example i would used to take time for granted,i would think that time in the army is boring,i would take things for granted that was given to me by the army,the happiness,the fun and the people that i know. its only after losing it will you start to cherish it. its after the 2 years that i really realised those are the truly happy days that i had with the friends that i knew back then. we had all sorts of people...weird and funny people but we had fun or even if they didn't at least i did.

another example of taking time for granted would be i used to think that time moves too slow,maybe it should be faster but now that i started studying and need to prepare for my project,portfolio and exams do i actually realise that time is actually...very precious and valuable. i feel very tired and abit sick recently so i would sleep more often and earlier at times and this is when i really wished that if only time was slower so as to allow me to sleep a little longer,spend abit more time on thinking what i'm actually thinking to put on my blog,more time to think about ideas for my project and portfolio.

people changes,when i think back about the trees it would remind me of myself. how i grew from a little boy to a young adult just like the tree,going to be able to provide shade for myself,another tree and more little trees. haha weird way of thinking i know but it just reminds myself of how fast time have been and how much i really changed.

i used to think about alot of stuff but the stuff that i actually believed in now actually contradicts with the stuff that i used to believe in. my perception of people,money,things,education..well alot of it changes in terms of beliefs and mindset.

for example i used to believe that money should be kept and trusted only by myself and no other but now i believe that money earned could actually be used for a more worthy cause and not just to benefit myself but the community as a whole. i've already got a plan in mind to actually donate most of what i would have when i'm old to a foundation of somesort and leave only a small amount to my children so that it would force them to be mature,independent and self reliant instead of being spoilt brats relying on inheritance if theres any.

anyway im tired and sleepy,got school tomorrow as i skipped school today so that i can rest and sleep in and prepare for the more important lectures/tutorials tomorrow. gnite all and apologies if what i type doesn't make any sense or blah blah blah blah -_-

where does one loyalty lies and how should you act to protect yourself and your interest

2007-11-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

rank the following in accordance to priority in your mind between,loyalty to country,to spouse,to family,to friends,to company and to money.

there's no definite answer but here's mine anyway. 1.loyalty to spouse 2.money 3.company 4.family 5.country 6.friends

some may question,why so? because to me the spouse that you chose will most likely be the person sticking it with you for life. here i'm talking about spouse and not your usual "steads" or girlfriends.

money next and why? with money there's nothing you cannot accomplish and there's nothing you need to fear and basically the rest other than the first is expendable. because the only one thing that money can't buy is true love and happiness.

company is my third priority down the choice because i believe that as long as they recognise your hardwork and loyalty the above mentioned stuff would come along just fine.

family because they most likely wouldn't leave you dead and alone in the dark but i don't know about my case so i ranked it fourth.

as for country and friends,it isn't worth mentioning because as much as i appreciate what i have gained in singapore and the stability that it gives,it is also this very society that forced me to change into the person that i am. as for friends...to me now it is just a case of "helping" or rather making use of each other. i do not really believe in true friendship any longer because so far everyone that i met have by far lied to me. some even went further to backstabbing.

truth is nobody needs real friends because they don't exist and hence you do not need them. i feel that everything about friendship being real to each other have been a lie so far. it's what they like us to see and know so as to live and tolerate with each other. but i see its just a transaction like monkeys for example,they scratch each others back and help each other but to me i see it as owing each other a favor and returning it. thats about it.

i do not mind being labelled a bastard,i really don't because when i don't even care about all these why should i be bothered people's opinion of me any longer?

does it matter if you'r disliked by 1 person or 10 person? it doesn't,because i've already grown numb of it and from now on i'll just begin the transformation and pray that it's not too late.

so for people out there who's thinking the same way as i do,it's time to harden your heart,mind and emotions. because even though we might not be emotionally satisfied,we could be satisfied in other areas like sense of self satisfaction and i believe that sometimes sacrifices must be made in order for the success that we crave to come.

so it all boils down to sacrificing one aspect for another. and start thinking about where should your loyalty lie in. if you believe that friends will be there to stick by you when you'r in trouble then yeah start growing up and think more maturely because in this world there's not much people that one can really rely on in times of need.

step by step guide if you decided to walk the path/life of lonliness yet fulfilling
1.forget that everyone that you once cared about once existed
2.treat every action with a motive and hidden agenda.
3.see everyone as competitions and rivals rather than allies.
4.keep your allies close if you have any,but keep your enemies close as well at the same time. 5.never trust anyone,including your "best" or "close" friend. because most of the successful people currently have by far been betrayed or attempted on and its the closest person and someone that you thought the least chance of backstabbing you. people like richard branson for example when he was young.
6.take advantage of every opportunity in life,be it in career advancements,money making,relationships. nobody will remember the second best or the loser so if you want to be then be the best if not just be a pussy for life. this includes making certain...sacrifices be it people or anything eles.
7. there are alot more that i can say but the master must always keep somethings for himself and keep in mind that society doesn't condones failures and nobody will take pity on you. i know its hard to suddenly change into all these but with these you can be sure that you will filter out most of the unnecessary trouble that will be coming your way in the future.

that's how i was in the past and that's the way that kept me safe both mentally and emotionally. how i regretted my change into the "better" person so now this is how i will be and it should also be your way of doing things if you decided to change for real good. because to safeguard yourself against hypocrites and people who have ill intentions it would be best in your interest to treat everyone as possible hostiles.

shooting myself in the foot

2007-11-10T07:10:00.000-08:00

i guess the person that i was a couple of years back was smarter than the present me. sometimes i wished that i just followed what i planned on doing back then and just listened more to my brain instead of my heart.

what am i doing to myself,why am i seeking pain instead of pleasure,why couldn't i just change without remorse and regret. it's the hope for a miracle in life perhaps. or it could be the people around me that's changed and influenced me in a certain ways.

getting paranoid and crazy but i guess it'll all be over soon.i think that it should be pretty easy for me to confirm and justify my actions.some say that i may think abit too pessimistic at times but i can't help feeling that way can i,i mean nothing good ever happened in my life so far and my feelings and actions have all been driven by fear. the fear of losing people that you care about,the fear of being alone,the fear of being helpless...and the fear of not being able to do anything at all.

fear > craziness > big change in mindset towards people,things > changes to totally another person > drive for success > achieving happiness in life

i guess the past me had already thought of every possible scenario to my future solutions and how to handle them but its just me being stupidly and overly stubborn to accept that as i thought that maybe i changed and my mindset should also change along with it. i guess i should really trust the person that i was back then instead of the current me. once bitten twice shy i guess that human mind is really complex yet at the same time there will always be a common similarity in between.

negative thoughts are running through my mind,my dark side is taking over again,i can hear it even though others might not..and that is the cries and laughters of people that have been mocking me,making use of me and trying to make a fool out of me. so from now on i will really learn from mistakes and experiences. the words distrust and betrayals come to my mind more frequently followed by revenge,death,suffer and humiliation.

crazy minded guy reading a book called mein kampf at the moment. its translated as my struggle in english. its a book that hitler wrote while he was in prison for a brief moment. just reading parts of it made myself feel as if i understand the predicament that he was in at that point of time.

abit too much for my head at this time but im still thinking if this should be my last post. after all nobody cares about how you feel,nobody cares about how you are. people are all selfish by nature and have traits like jealousy,greed and lust in them. people will generally do things that would benefit them in one way or another. there's no exceptions even for religious believers,no offence but they are doing good deeds for the sake of doing good just so that they would be rewarded in a way or another. some people might think differently but i dont care because thats the way i look at people now.

1152 pm 10/11/2007

life goals in certain stages of my life

2007-11-08T05:17:00.000-08:00

been pretty lethargic recently to really blog,still thinking on how to start that 7.5k words project lol.

anyway thoughts about my personal life goals suddenly came to mind. i would think back about what exactly is the life goal i had in mind during the few stages of my life.

when i was 1-12,i only wanted to game,play,have fun,hope that exam never comes and yeah things that you wished that would last forever. no life goals yet.

when i was 13-16,i was trying to find my own identity,i was bad to the bone,i was pretty much idiotic,immature,stubborn and always wanting to prove something which is not. i began to like being in touch with the dollar bills. i know its not that much of a life goal but thats a start.

when i was 17,events changed my life and i changed drastically..so much that i do not wish to change back into the heartless,cold and lonely person i was back then. back then i felt insecure,i had weird thoughts,i isolated myself and concentrated on finding a path in life for myself as i couldn't trust anyone back then. so i tried studying business since i had the "feel" and motivation and hunger for success back then. i experienced betrayals all around me,i experience pain and sadness so much that i nearly forgot what is happiness.

when i was 18,i got my diploma.nothing much about me changed except i got more...ambitious and started to belittle the people around me and the things that are happening in our society. i guess i could be considered a pretty much cold hearted guy back then. i would vision the future at times. i didnt have any specific life goals back then in terms of monetary or sorts but i knew vaguely what i wanted and how my life would be. i would probably be successful in life but also lonely in terms of being trained to sacrifice everything at my disposal for results that i wanted.
i would force myself to read more,think more,and i had the drive to always want to achieve more and outdo people and gaining and edge over them.

when i was 18-19,i got enlisted couple months after i got my results and for the first year or so i was pretty much the same. except i learnt the art of being a hypocrite and so on. i would always want to do things to improve my life and my future. so much that i didnt really stop even though sometimes in my heart i tell myself that this isn't really what im searching for.

19-20+,things started to change. i started to open up myself,i wanted to change my life because i knew that the life thats been going on for the last few years have been...a torture both mentally and physically. i couldn't keep it up because it would really drive me nuts at times but sometimes after experiencing certain feelings i would really think about my decision on whether its the correct thing to do or not.

thats pretty much about it. im still trying to see if its going to work out or if its better for me to revert to my old ways if thats the only way i could eliminate all the pain and obstables thats standing in my way.

anyway should life goals should be smart? as in - Specific,Measurable,Achievable,Realistic and be Time based

i personally feel that there isn't a true definition or correct answer to whether it should be or not because everything is different and everyone is unique in their certain ways.

for me,i didn't really make specific smart ones but rather vague ones for now. because being the person i am now it's really hard to forecast the future. so i made really vague ones but realistic like simi retirement by 45. for me simi retirement meaning that i can have the option to put down the briefcase whenever i felt like doing so after that age. i drafted a vague personal financial plan back then but thats about it. i used to have a rough idea on personal issues as well. like for example of what calibre,standard,iq should my wife be to ensure the quality of our offsprings and so on.

yaya theres alot more of these "bullshit" in my brain. and i know that some of my friends are also probably going to say that i think too much at times but that's just me. i can't help feeling insecure and thinking alot for my own future because of past experiences and betrayals. i guess after all i'm just searching for a sense of security,stability in relationships and support from the people around me. but for now everything seems pretty bleak for me.

so hows your week? mines just fine

2007-11-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

nothing much going on nowadays except for call of duty 4 that we just bought. just when i was about to give up in despair,i found someone that can revitalize me once again. she is truly amazing,nice person,cute,blur,understanding,matured and the list goes on =p. well of course when we'r talking about a person,there are bound to be strengths and weaknesses but i shall not go into that =p.

lets talk about call of duty 4 and the gameplay. the gameplay is awesome,the graphics beat the shit out of rainbow 6 vegas and resistence fall of man,the online multiplayer gameplay will totally blow your mind away.

the gameplay is nice with bullets being able to penetrate through certain obstacles like cardboard boxes and such. for the online part there also the ability to drop a grenade when you die,use last stand meaning even when you got fragged you would lie down there and hoister your side arms and attempt to kill the guy that fragged you for 10 seconds. and lots more

the graphic is really nice with hd mode,you can actually see everything so clearly as if you'r in a movie. the grass the rain the people all look so...clear.

theres even a score board whereby you can check where is your ranking globally. easy to use online feature,gameplay and cool graphics wtf are you waiting for if you own a ps3?

tired and sleepy but im still thinking of the blur queen =p

personal expenditure this month

2007-10-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

wow just totally wow. didn't really keep track of my spending this month and the next thing i know,i'm left with 80 bucks in my account.lets break it down.

books - $300
new handphone - $300
food,drinks and fun - $150
friend bday present - $60
medical appointment + blood test at nuh + medicine = $110
games - $210
etc - $100
gross damage $1230

mum gave me $200 for handphone
$100 for when i went to nuh

net damage $930

if my mum feels happy she might give me $300 for the amount spent on books =p

minimized but not yet realised damage $630

when i think about it i guess i should cut down on certain stuff like on entertainment,food,and probably watch the games.just 1 second of complacency and this is the shock that i get at the end of the month. =p

so yeah the lesson here is to always watch it when you'r spending and spend within your limits.

life with the fifty dollar bill

2007-10-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if anyone gives a hoot to that fifty dollar bill lying around in our wallet,may seem like just a piece of paper to you but have we ever thought about the origin and the hardwork involved to earn it.

if you'r lucky to have parents who are at the top of their careers,earning a combined monthly income of near five or five digits then i guess you probably wouldn't think about what i mentioned earlier on.

fifty dollars...may seem little to some yet it could mean lots to others. its all relative. to me fifty dollars is alot yet at the same time it seems insignificant at times. abit contradicting i know but lets take a look at when i would feel that the fifty dollar happy note seems big or small to me.

it's big when buying food,quick snacks and small stuff like pen etc. well it becomes small when i have to buy some books that i just feel that i got to get.im a bookaholic,i think not much people noticed but thats the way i am.

i guess everything comes down to your mindset and attitude towards money,if you think that spending a few hundred or thousands for some branded stuff is worth it then me and you would probably not get along that well. because to me i like to spend...wisely yet pamper myself at times or at least what i feel is within my limit.

to me i don't mind splurging on books because i feel that it is money well spent and i enjoy reading so..yeah wisely and pampering of myself part kicks in here. my mentality is that if i can afford to buy a ps3 and a new hdtv which me and my bro saved for quite sometime,i can jolly well afford to get books which i feel would be good investment in myself even if it costs near 200 or so when i go book shopping.

not that i don't change my phone,computer and everything because it may seem like im a scrooge but i don't think i am. i'm just not interested in the technology chase and prefer a more practical way of doing things rather than trying to keep up with the latest trend to find it outdated the next month.

for example it took me 4 years to convince myself to change a new computer,2 years to change a phone and so on. but i also got what we call..impulse buying i suppose. like for the ps3 and the hdtv which i'm really crazy over. i'm a all rounder gamer since young so...yeah live a gamer die a gamer.

anyway..i read a whole range of books,excluding novels and anything fictional. what i like to read depends on the mood i guess. sometimes i like to read about management,financial,political,war strategies,biographies,self enrichment etc. it all depends on the mood.

for now i think i would love a book that could give me answers to questions that i got in my mind.

1.comparing myself with the past me,how much better have i become and how much more would i need to change?

2.am i feeling paranoid when i feel that people are just toying with emotions?

3.am i trying to be nice too hard so much that it would be better if im just like the rest of the fuxxed up guys that you people love and like to hang out with?

4.how should my attitude towards people be? honest? open? im sure everyone loves that but not everyone truly accepts that.

misunderstandings..

2007-10-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

misunderstandings and what causes them? there's alot of reasons and because we cannot really say for sure or prove that it works for everyone so these can only be theories and not models.

that's why for me when i like someone they got to be of a certain standard in terms of mindset,maturity and understanding because this all plays a part as well when we'r talking about relationships between friends,spouse,colleagues and so on.

especially the spouse part. only when both parties are certain of each other then can one ensure that possibilities of future conflicts can be minimized. the points of view need not be the same but at least the understanding and knowing must be there for points of reasoning to be there.

if only everyone of us is built with a usb port and cable otherwise the feelings and thoughts that are expressed through words is usually hard because of the way we speak,act and show.

most of the time it's the communication part that causes issues. when we speak,the other party may make something eles of your words and turn it into another totally different meaning and treat the things that you say in the future with another attitude.

i feel that using of words to express one's feelings and thoughts is hard because why? the abstraction process is itself in terms of visual form not in words or languages. for example when i think of someone,do i think of her in terms of language or words? no i think of her in terms of looks,character,actions and my feelings towards her. or for example when you think of a place do you think of it in terms of language or words? no you think of the place in terms of the ambience,environment and things that you want to do there.

most of the time it's also because of past experience that makes us feel as if everyone would be or react the same as some other people that you know. its normal if you do because we are trained to do so and are...in the what we call seeking of identity process and trait reinforcement. during the age of 18-21 is the age whereby we confirm our identity and fortify it.

it's also because of the fortifying process that makes us more..unwilling to listen to reasonings that conflicts with yours even though at times the meaning may not be there but you are trained to think that way.

but one thing we should know is that not everyone is the same,there may be the majority who may seem alike but we should also not rule out the possibilities of the minority who might think and act differently. i for one believe that everyone should be treated differently with different attitude because each individual is unique to me. it's just a matter of the treatment towards them.

gender also plays a part,males are generally easier to understand compared to women,men are generally motivated by women and for women there's alot of factors involved but we'r not sure what is it specifically or in general.

if anyone is free they could go read up on sigmund freud or the freudian theory its very interesting in the way he thinks and studied his past patients as well as his past that made him into the person that he is.

i don't know why but i feel misunderstood at times or it could be me thinking too much again but sometimes i really don't get things,i want answers,truthful ones so maybe if someone who thinks that they understand me is reading this..please give me answers.

http://homepage.newschool.edu/~quigleyt/vcs/psychoanalysis.html
http://www.freudfile.org/theory.html
http://www.victorianweb.org/science/freud/develop.html

facts

2007-10-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

1. yes,im biased against certain groups of malays but not all. i'm biased against the troublemaking ones,im biased against the chinese hating ones and i'm biased against ones that are making our society and the world a harder place to live in.

but thats all im not biased against all malays. im sure there are malays that are nice and cool and would even agree with what i'm saying. i do have malay friends,not many but i do have some.i find them nice to be friends and be with and not like the ones that i mentioned above.

2.its a known fact throughout everywhere in malaysia that the other ethnic races are being descriminated in some ways just not openly enough so that it would discourage MNCS from basing their companies there.

0% of non-malay staffs is legally required in malay companies. But there must be 30% malay staffs in Chinese companies. is one of the example. and theres alot more but im really lazy to look up these facts just to prove my point that they'r biased against us as well. take a look at what their politicians say and crap about us on news. it's pure biasness and bullshit. i'm also sure that you guys remember at one point of time,it's reported that there's not enough spots for chinese who wants to get into the university at their side.

one of my lecturer who started a business in malaysia sometime back said that they have to hire a ..."malay" director just so that it would comply with their business regulations and all that director have to do is just shake leg,relax and collect his pay. well i think this is bullshit,overprotecting of the malay race is making them want to feel superior to us and that could be one of the reason why chinese are being targetted over there frequently.

there are alot of oversiding of malays over the other races issues,go check them up i'm sure you'll find malaysia a ...'interesting' place to live in compared to singapore =) that is if you'r not afraid of being targeted.

3.certain groups of malays in the SEA region hates us,or rather jealous of us so much that they would kill,rape,rob and so on. take a look at the 1998 indonesia anti chinese riots. women,children,man whether young or old were either killed,raped,what so ever. and why? because the few percent of chinese in indonesia are the ones having the bulk of the wealth? it's the overprotecting again that makes them complacent and not work as hard as us. so who's in the wrong? you tell me

go read it up and you'll understand why i myself dislike these certain group of people. they act without thinking of the reason why,but rather because of the end result.

4.i don't expect everyone to see eye to eye with what i said,because after all people are all unique and their mindset are based on various factors. the perception,knowledge,environment,attitudes and personality. i personally think that if there's something wrong with what i said then i'll retrack it if not there's no point because these are all facts that happened and we know it. we just don't want to admit or know about it. this is life,not some fantasy land where everything goes on smoothly and ends happily ever after.

discrimination happens everywhere even in the US,don't be surprised go read up on the minorities over there and you'll understand. it happens so much that there's even a course in human resource on discriminations against race,sex etc and how to spot them.

yeah i do admit i'm in the wrong over the last post,was being overly emotional and having some really depressing moments when i posted that. totally killed my rationality but not so on this one imo.

national pride and political gains worth the price?

2007-10-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

enough of emo :/ anyway another thing that just came to my mind. is national pride and political gains worth paying the price?

take a look at the most recent one,malaysia spent 25 million to send a malaysian up to space and recently there have been talks and different...opinions about it. one of it is that spending 25 million of public funds is worth it as they feel proud even though there isn't anything worth bragging other than the fact that they had a malaysian in space. the other public opinion is that its a waste of funds that can be better used and allocated eleswhere to help the more needy people.

so lets take a look,is national pride worth it and how are we different? for singapore,we wouldnt do anything that would incur public wrath or would we just sit by and watch as the world moves around us but rather we would try to do things in moderation,be humble and do things that would bring in at least some form of monetary gain. like for example the F1 formula race that is slated to take place next year.

for malaysians i suppose to most of them they would feel that its money well spent, why? lets take a look at certain factors. ever since we seperated from them we have been outdoing them even though they had a head start at first. our economy is doing better than them considering our size and lack of resources. we'r expected to be doomed and die on our own but we didn't die as expected infact we rise,grow and mature into the current state that we are in today.

alot of other reasons and im too tired to think but its their pride as malaysians at the start and pride as malays that doomed them. look at equality between races. compare singapore and malaysia. take a look at the perks that malays in malaysians are getting. there isn't anything worth for the top brains of other ethnic races to stay on to serve a government that is based on race and corruption and unfair treatment. look at proton,national car but how bad is it doing now? take a look at their government efficiency and so on. i'm pretty sure crime rates in malaysia have been high especially against chinese.

well to them its the pride that wants to make them feel proud to be able to beat us singapore to something,but they forgot its also the pride that makes them look....stupid to some. at least to people like me. 25m complete waste of money. and if given a choice i would tell them straight in the face to just grow up and mature like how we did. maybe they would beat us in a couple of decades if they start changing now.

i know im getting abit...out in certain ways but yeah weird feelings now that makes me feel like typing in this manner at this point of time.

human emotions...are so fragile,weak and feeble

2007-10-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

is being emotional a good or bad thing? is being overly interested,honest,open and sincere and trying my best a good or a bad thing? is putting too much feelings and hope into something or someone a good or a bad thing? is being seriously crazy over someone that you know that is your kinda person a good or a bad thing?

these few questions have been messing with my mind and my life,recently i just feel like just drinking,smoking and doing something crazy and stupid to live my life through.
to the people that i acted weird to recently,sorry for my behaviour. i know its wrong of me to do and act this way and i dont expect any forgiveness but yeah i wont be caring much anyway.

i just want to be the same guy i was few years back,the same guy that is all cooped up,stressed up, and being the lone guy i was. i wouldnt be hurt or i wont hurt others,i wont be too serious about people,i wouldnt be feeling the way i was now. i wouldnt act the way i am now.

words are after all just words but thinking back about what she said to my friend just..plain hurts,its not the same feeling that i would have felt if its spoken by another person. i just feel like im being taken for granted,for fun,for fuck just like some robert.

no matter how much i change and become,i am after all human, i can feel and think. my eyeshurt now but my heart hurts even more. i tried to change into someone evil and fucked up,i tried but i just cant do it. it just isnt me.

so rather than being that way,i feel that it would be better if people just left me alone.please do,really i am just someone emotional,sensitive,scared and wants to be loved by someone that i think is nice,cute,mature and everything that words can never describe her.

rather than giving me happiness i would rather you take everything away and keep it that way from the start. i would rather take everything in like a heartless man and act as if my life would be that of a loner because i probably am going to be one.

i dream alot at times,of the things that i want and im scared of. i dreamt about betrayals again,i would dream about...people that i want but im scared of. i crave for attention,i crave for love,i crave for her. but i guess it doesnt matter anymore. so please guys just treat me as a cb person with a heart of steel and dont play with me anymore. and maybe just treat me as the guy that u used to know or someone thats already changed into someone eles.

all i want to is a fresh start and nothing eles. i know i told myself to stop thinking i know i know but this is the first time that i felt that..it would really have a serious impact in my life.

so yeah on a second note im up for grabs if anyone is looking for a relationship with no strings attached. you know where to find me. ^^.v

meanwhile imma go try grab more books and try to forget about things.

dreams and reality for me

2007-10-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

dreams and reality,most of the time they may seem almost the same but they actually mean worlds apart. or at least to me it seems that way.

well to me if there's no dream,there can hardly be anything that you can pursue in life. so for me i like to dream,infact i believe that dreamers are the ones that actually revolutionise and make things happen.

its more or less related to my dream of being a entrepreneur,we are creative and innovative. some may ask what is the meaning between this two? being creative is just a thought but by being innovative you actually put the thought into a business plan and make things happen. so yeah its certainly important to be a dreamer but also important to be able to put it to good use.

from young,im sure we wrote a composition or two about our ambition or something related. when we ask our parents about what should our ambitions be,they would tell us to be a doctor,lawyer,teacher and so on. they never tell us that it is OK to sometimes take a fall in life and be something like a cleaner,labourer,waiter and so on.

it's the stress that was drilled into me since young,i guess that explains my not so happy childhood. i would have to spend hours even up till 4 am when i was 5 years old making sure my spelling and so on is ready to get the results of my...hard work. i would have to get 80 and above for my exams when i was young and if i didn't achieve the results i would have to face the cane.

it's the stress back then that made me gave up in life for awhile back when i was in secondary school. i changed into someone...who got no future,someone who is labelled with the Its The End tag. but it was also things that happened back then that made me wake up from all these. it was the agony,distrust,past betrayals that made me...change into someone that most would disapprove of. but i didn't care because back then i believed in personal interest above everything eles,i truly believed that anyone back then was...expendable. friends,family anyone i truly believed that there was no one i could trust.

its the past that made me dream or rather made me have thoughts,negative thoughts about the future and about how everyone is moving forward and how i need to do the same. it's the same feeling that i experienced back when i was 5. the stress. i also experienced the feeling that i had back when i was 16. the distrust. and now im feeling all confused,tired and cock up.

for now i know the reality and that's to try my best in everything,live my life to the fullest.plan for the future and expect the unexpected. but yeah some friends say that i think too much but it's actually not i think. it could be just that i am the only guy that you know that thinks this way,i know someone out there who thinks almost the same as i do. so yeah i guess i'm not weird. maybe just under appreciated.

yeah could have some errors here and there and abit of a crazy as well but it's 2:20 am over here when i typed this and i got a tutorial at 9 tomorrow so yeah good night and wet dreams :)

guys <3 sex
girls <3 humor
even till now i still aspire to be a entrepreneur as i found my...second love =p. yeah i guess i'm already done with the childhood dream of being a doctor. :)

what have i been up to recently

2007-10-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

well last week was my first week of the semester and i'm still trying to adapt to the changes and so on. i kind of slept early on some nights and i pretty much stopped most of my usual gaming activities. all i did for that week was just coming back home,irc,msn and i slept for most of the time :P i guess that explains why i didn't update this blog much.

well i was indeed kept busy and tired at times that i couldn't think about her that much,i had to look for reference books,think of ideas,settle some of my personal perception issues.i was thinking about how nice the days were back then,so nice that if you ask me if i had any regrets for my actions i would tell you that i would do it all over again if i could.

i would think about the busy,serious,concentrating and that attractive executive alike look that she would be having when she mugs for her A lvls,i would think about whether she might be still stressing herself too much,i would think about the cute husky dogs that she had >.<,during my free time even though i try not to but sometimes i would still...picture certain stuff,remember certain stuff and so on.

yeah i know i think too much about her that i'm going kuku bananas so yeah i try not to but it's really hard when i get serious.so recently i thought that by knowing a new bunch of girls,it might actually help but for most of them i couldn't find the feeling,the feeling that only she can make me feel. i realised again that its my fault with words,i'm just not good with expressing myself well with words at times so..i guess i'm just going to shut up about how i feel after all and just stop being so serious. :)

well i realised that i'm still not any good yet and maybe it's better if i keep changing towards what i feel would be best for myself. i thought about getting a psp,a new handphone,a ps3 game that i wanted >.< rainbow six vegas. was thinking about lots of crazy stuff nowadays but i guess that's the update on myself for this week.

trying to do the right thing is always hard

2007-10-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

i just realised that when you change for the better good or even try to do good things there are nobody around to acknowledge and appreciate your change but on the other hand when somethings bad happened,or are commited you get labelled bad. it's always been this case of good news never spreads but bad news spreads a thousand miles. happens everywhere,social groups,office,coffeeshops and even on online forums.

recently i tried to figure out what's happening and what's wrong with my mind and me and i finally came to this conclusion. being good,acting good or trying to do good stuff kinds of isn't really something that would make me happy. instead it made me..more frustrated with life at times,more irritated with people or just plain emotional because i tried my best or i think too hard and too much about certain stuff.

so i figured it might do me good to change back to the old serious me like how i was four years back. i wouldn't care much about how people feel,i would be completely self centered,i was happy,contented with life,full of dreams and hope. because there would be nobody around me to actually mess with my mind and my emotions i could actually concentrate more on the serious stuff that i always wanted to do.

so yeah to friends that i've recently shown my bad and evil side to i'm sorry but it's still not too late to disacknowledge my existence =) and maybe it's the best that we keep the good old times as memories because i feel that life for me right now is like neither here nor there. some would say that i'm like a lost sheep looking for directions but i guess for now this is the way i'll be heading to.

on a side note i guess i'm constantly changing its not just all of a sudden change but i guess not much people can tell anyway. changing like a chameleon,adapting to the ever changing environment have always been my specialty i suppose. some might view it as bad,some might not even care but to me i'm still only 20 and i guess for me it's still a long way to go in life.to me its a self discovery process to who i really am and who i will become. because sometimes i just do not know what some people want.

the way men and women thinks

2007-10-15T05:25:00.000-07:00

was my first day of school and the lecturer briefly explained how we need to segment certain type of market and we talked about how the man and women thinks and acts. was thinking about writing up on this when someone online just asked me about the following. and my answer to it is right below.

'Did your male team-mates have a different working style as compared to your female team-mates? If yes, how did you handle these differences? If no, do you think there are any differences between how males and females work?'

yes, there is certainly a difference between the male and female counterpart and their way of doing things. one of it is that reports have shown that men are very simple minded compared to women who are much more complex,sophisicated and harder to understand. men are mostly and mainly motivated by women,love and sex while studies have shown that women are complex creatures that are hard to understand even until now.

in terms of working style,men are known to be more task orientated meaning guys like to focus their mind on one thing and they do not like to be distracted and studies show that men tend to be more irritated as they'r not flexible enough and are not have that good at multi tasking skills compared to women.and hence women are better at management and at handling human relations.

for example when both men and women goes out to shop most of the men are driven by this task accomplishing goal. for example if a man is looking for a ipod cover and he searches the whole place for it and can't find one at the end of the day,he will feel that the time is wasted and will probably be angry about it. as for the women they might be looking for the same thing but they will think in a manner that they can always get it the next time they come out and yet continue shopping for other stuff and it will not affect their mood.

both have their advantage and disadvantages. like for example men may be good at getting stuff done and more objective driven but they cant be distracted from their line of work.where women tend to be better at handling stress,getting solutions out of problems but women are also more unpredictable making them hard people to work with at times.
as both genders have different way of working,there's bound to be certain similarities and yet differences in terms of character,way of thinking,the process of achieving results and the end result.

handling these differences could be solved in a matter of ways,one of which would be to work in teams consisting of gender and take the solution that produces the best solution. another would be to allocate what each gender does best by allocating them different jobs to do if working on a project together.

my answer isn't really a standard one,may be right to some or wrong to some.at the end of the day don't forget its my blog and i have my freedom to air my views =)

women are like witches

2007-10-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

women are like witches, i'm not kidding. it depends on certain factors.
1.how mind controlled are you by her? (into her that is)
2.how her magic can make you spin and go guru guru
3.how she can make you feel like you suddenly don't have the mood for your favourite past time any longer
4.your mood of the day depends on the mood of her day as well. (how she treats you)
5.how you can be like a minion,always thinking of your master and wanting to serve her to the best.

just some of the feelings that i felt some time back,i had the happy moments when we chatted,when she called,when she messaged,smsed. to me its the sort of feeling that i wanted to last forever. but there are times when i would feel sad,jealous,upset because of her mood swings and her coldness towards me,her stress with examinations and being worried for her,when she's having her every saturday bf day,when her bf got such a good gf and wont appreciate it.

having school tomorrow and i intended to sleep early by i just can't do it i don't know why but i feel like i'm experiencing the feeling that i had few years back when i try to hold everything within myself again and totally change into another person that i didnt intend to be. at times i just wished that i had listened to the me few years back when i told myself to aim high,work hard and treat women with a stoned heart. when success comes,women will flock like bees anyway was what i believed back then.

i don't intend to blog further about her anymore,i guess that it's time to do what i do best. adapt to changes and move on in life. take up the beliefs that i left behind few years ago and follow it till i can find another witch that can spin me around like a spider to her prey in the web. the feeling of neither here nor there is really torturing and killing at times. i don't want to think about whether she's doing ok for the day,if something made her pissed,someone made her sad,i dont want the feeling anymore. it's making me can't fall asleep at 1235 am when i'm starting first day of school tomorrow.

if she really doesnt have any feelings for me,or feels that her bf can treat her the best for now and for the future then i really hope to wish her luck and we that if we could still be close friends i sincerely do because she's really a nice person to converse with. but from now on i guess i'll just harden my heart and tell myself no matter what don't even dream about it and just concentrate on career,studies,future.

i've been thinking over what she said,any jc girl would fit in my life. even though you might not read this but no it isn't true. recently i've been chatting up with girls in the hope of self discovery on whether what you said might be true or whether i can find that sort of feeling from them while i was with you back then. i can be honest about this,and no i did not feel the same way that i felt back then.you might think otherwise or something but it's the first time so far that someone like you can make me so crazy and if you still doubt me then i can only say that you do not have self confidence in yourself and i hope to be able to see you in a different way next time that might make me go wow or woah. :)

the rising power and influence of the internet and the blogs

2007-10-12T07:36:00.000-07:00

couple of years ago when we heard of the word blog, we might be dumbfounded by what it exactly is or its purpose.the only people that we can think of is probably the famous local blogger xiaxue who hit the headlines a couple of times because of her views on certain stuff.

back then most of us would get our sources of news from either,the papers,the news or from listening to the radio. the age range of people that blogs have also increased alot in recent years,they include young teenagers to the elderly and one of them whom i kinda respect and like,blogs here.
http://laozhabor.blogspot.com/

but with the increasing amount of bloggers and more internet savvy users some of us tend to get more of our sources from the internet and even blogs. but should it be this way?

lets not forget that no matter what,blogs are initially meant to be used like a personal diary,except it isn't really personal when it is posted online. with more and more bloggers nowadays people blog about all sort of stuff they range from news,politics,finance,daily rants,work,sex life so on and so forth.

because blogs that posts stuff about important events and news around the world and such are mostly written by unqualified people with no obligations to ensure its third person view,whether infomation is true or not. compared to the media they have the duty to uphold it and are professionals in reporting mostly unbiased news and accurately.

so...does that mean that we shouldn't or cannot post about such stuff? no i don't mean that but what i do mean is that blogs are meant to show the poster's character,his view on certain aspects or key areas of society,personality,sense of judgement and responsibility in what he types online. by this what do i mean? i mean by taking a pinch of infomation from the internet lightly and not too seriously,maybe go look it up do some research and if it's really big and urgent news go check up the papers,television or the radio.you know they'r better than the blog posted by your neighbour.

also if we remember some time back,some people were caught for racism comments ,online threats and so on. internet doesn't mean that you'r free from cybercrime it just means that you need to further restrain yourself and carefully choose the words in which you'r going to be typing and posting it on the net. as singapore is a multi racial country and especially in this period of darkness where race and religion is being used by propaganda leaders of terrorist cells to brainwash uneducated people into doing things that they believe are right. we got to be careful with every word that we say in public to avoid further conflicts from happening especially in singapore where we are surrounded by muslim countries.

so at the end of the day,internet and blogs are still useful in their own ways and one of which is to spread infomation fast. but always remember check your sources to verify if its real.

changing the way we look at the elderly

2007-10-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

well with the rising population happening in singapore maybe it's time most of us change our mindset to label the older aged workers as an asset rather than a liability.

facts that we know but don't admit or just like to apply it to the elderly or older workers

1.nobody likes changes and nobody wants to change it doesnt only apply to them but i believe to all of us,its only a matter of how we adapt ourselves to changing and blending into the constantly evolving society.

2.another perception is that older workers arent as good as the younger ones,maybe we should just chuck the fresh ideas and energetic advantage of the young people aside but instead look at the experience and skill that the older worker could provide us with.

3.older workers expect higher pay that is pegged to their seniority in the company compared to a younger worker. this exists but what we should do would be to relocate them perhaps to jobs that would commensurate with the lower salary that they would be getting. sounds fair to me that they'r getting a lower amount of money for a lower amount of job load.

so...despite everything what can we do to help?

1.changing our mindset to look at more of what they can offer instead of what YOU want to offer. cheaper labour doesnt mean everything. in singapore context quality is key.

2.do not discriminate them if you are in key positions or if you are in position to select candidates for a particular job, do not discriminate them based on their age instead look at their resume and past performances and i'm sure you'll find yourself a good worker. =)

3.do not mock the elderly,or discourage them that its too old for learning,instead encourage them to go for classes,upgrade themselves to market themselves even better. especially when courses for elderly are subsidised greatly in certain institutions. (SIM for example does that)

4.if you'r a ceo,managing director,entrepreneuer,blah blah blah please do take into consideration the feelings of the older workers even if you have to dismiss him or somesort they would really appreciate it if you could have given them advance notice or another alternative job and so on.

after saying all these..i hope that the younger generation would appreciate more of the what the elderly once did for us and yet at the same time i hope that the elderly would change their mindset to suit the changing business needs so as to keep up with times and not left behind.

after all everybody is going to grow old one day and..what i can say is treat others the same way you would like to be treated.

changes in life

2007-10-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

well some people says that i change too fast too much,but to me it's just adapting to changes to the environment,surrounding and new threats to counter existing ones.

lets take a look at some examples of how changes in mindset helped in certain ways.

for example the usage of phalanx formations back during the days when alexander the great was fighting both internal and external wars. the phalanx formation consists of soldiers carrying long spears and locking their shields together yet leaving enough space for spearmen at the back to attack and yet defend at the same time as well. during the days when alexander conquered with his formidable hoplites nobody knew how to change their mindset,to think of new ways to counter this threat which resulted in most of their failures in battle.

it was only until when people thought of ways to counter it,that was when things started to change the way in which warfare works. it created more thinking generals. one of the major disadvantage of having a phalanx formation is that it can only cover the front very well leaving the side and rear flanks exposed if not used wisely.

one of the methods used to counter was such that if assuming one of their hoplite units at the side flank of the main army fell,the other unit's side would be more pressured into routing rather than fight on as they would not be able to handle both front and side attacks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phalanx_formation a picture to show how it's like

it's because of change in mindset that helped wins the war. there are more examples out there and one of the interesting person that i find is napoleon.

he was the one that introduced conscription into a part of warfare,his way of thinking also allowed him to make improvements to certain area. for example the importance of artillery,out maneuvering his opponents,changing the way the traditional army works that caught neighbouring countries by surprise and some luck won him quite a couple of decisive battles.

i read his autobiography and he's a pretty interesting person but i find it quite a pity that it's not his personal ability that lost him the war but it was his trust in certain incompetent people,and the overconfidence in his generals. personally i believe that napoleon is good at micromangement,just isn't that good with managing the whole aspects of the army. like say logistics,people management and so on.

more on napoleon can be read here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon

anyway so is changes good or bad,what i can say is there isn't really a standard or benchmark for it,as for changes for good or for bad..only time and the future generations would know and perhaps understand and maybe even study the rationale behind our actions that we did and learn from our success or mistakes that led to our downfall.

and as for me changing too fast,too much..please don't worry or put too much thought about it.cause it's long ago been programmed into my brain :) just take it as some form of counter measure of some sort.

new life..or not

2007-10-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

monday class will start from 9-2
tuesday 9-4
wednesday 10:40-12
thursday 10:40-2.20
friday 9-4

these includes lunch breaks,short 20 min breaks in between classes,enrichment and development stuff. but not excluding sports :p unless its fun ones lol like pool or gaming =x

may sound weird to some but sometimes i wonder if it's really alright to just speak my mind and show someone that you like about your everything and let he/she know everything about you and be able to read you like a book at times.

i feel that to me i like my other half to be able to like and accept me for who i am and not for who i will become. to me at times i don't know what to say or express my feelings well but even so i try to,just so that i could be understood well and more.

soooo...recently i've been feeling really down i don't know what i'm saying at times maybe cause i've gone kuku bananas over her.but when she says stuff that makes me ponder and think of the possibilities i tend to have mixed emotions.i try to think in her shoes but sometimes i can't help but want to be selfish,i want her,i want this i want that, most of all i wanted her to at least give it a try at least,sometimes things aren't that easy to say or prove with words so only time and action will tell the tale of the future.

i know that her current bf isn't really appreciative of her but i know that i will be,and its not because it's the early stage of a relationship where couples act very sweet,romantic,mushy and the feeling dies down couple weeks/months/years. i know some of my weakness,i'm not romantic,not good with words,but maybe some other strength of mine could overcome the weaknesses.

i know i'm not perfect,but i'm only 20 and i'm like raw clay still being moulded to becoming the perfect vase. i know being a screwed up person in the past i can't really promise her anything for the future but i can say that i'll try my best.

she asked me once what did i like about her,i think i sort of gave a answer that isn't complete,i forgot to add it's the feel afterall. without the feel i won't feel this way,there wouldn't even be the headache that i'm having at times. it's by far the worst feeling that i felt,almost the same that i felt few years back. the very same reason that forced me to change drastically to the environment and situation.

until now i got no idea of how she feels or how she wants,but i know what i want,a chance to prove my feelings,a chance to prove that i'm not the person that she thought i am in her mind,a chance for both of us and try it out and see if it works out afterall. i mean after all being in a relationship is a trial period where you see if you can take each other's strength and weakness and turn it into something positive since nobody's perfect and see if it'll work out for marriage.

i've seen divorce cases,in fact plenty and even on news where the spouse gets abused,the family gets broken up,the kid gets led astray,social problem social child. all because of people who think that getting married is fun and things will stay the same. but no,marriage is a lifelong commitment so unless you can really tolerate each other and such...please don't do it and spare another child from depression =) which will lead to ..alot of issues.

another one reason why people get married is because of looks,the guy is handsome the girl is pretty ok fine. but please learn to think more indepth,for the guys..looks will only last your girl maybe till she's 40 the most and that is considering if she can still take care of her looks and figure after giving birth. and for the girls...please if you'r finding someone with good looks at least find one with looks and character,because for girls you'r like canned food the longer u keep the closer you are going to be near your expiry date. just so you girls know,guys get more charm and mature with age unlike women so..pick your other halves more prudently. character over looks. i'm not being a hypocrite here by saying looks doesn't matter what i mean is looks wise just someone average will do but character wise its should still be in the top of your priority list.

relationship is one thing,marriage is another so..think once not enough so think twice =) if this still isn't enough to make you think then start thinking now if you can accept your current bf/gf as someone that u can live with for the next few decades if not then maybe it's time to change some of his/her habits just so to make things easier for you,her,him,your child,family and all of us.

only one song could describe my current feelings now,truly madly deeply by savage garden

am i feeling overly emo?

2007-10-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

1. i think i'm overly stressed over my future
2. i think that i think of someone way too much
3. i feel that i'm in the wrong and that i should just stop it i should stop acting stupidly and try to not do the impossible and putting the stress and bad feelings into her i should just stop the actions,stop haboring any more feelings for her or anyone and just concentrate on me alone and my own path of life.
4.at times i feel like i'm being constrained like a little lab mice running around in a maze but no matter how much i try to reach for the sky it's just after all the four corners of a glass box.
5.maybe i'm getting too soft hearted at times,maybe i'm having too much thoughts into stuff that i shouldn't even be worrying about. maybe i should just be the guy i used to be few years back when i won't be worrying about all these at all.
6.maybe when the impossible is impossible its time to stop,give it a break and seek another alternative. it may be better,makes everyone happier and so everyone can move on.

couple of years back when i haven't changed into the guy i am today,i was full of confidence,arrogance,being insensitive,hypocritical,paranoid and so on. even though some of these traits still stay with me today but i feel that sometimes i may be right in thinking about certain steps that i should have taken back then to prevent myself from feeling this way today.

back then its the feeling of self despise that fuels my inner self,it makes me wants to outdo everyone eles and prove them wrong and now i still feel this way at times but it makes me wonder if i change back into the guy i was back would really be better for my own good.

now even though i still aspire to be the best but it's getting harder,it's like drugs playing with my mind and it just makes me spinning and spinning at times without giving my brain a actual answer,even though i don't believe in god sometimes i wish there really is one that could give me advise on what to do from here on.

i don't know why i'm feeling very vexed these days and these are just my personal thoughts so maybe if you know how to help me,please do so because i really don't know what to do to stop having thoughts about her/it/everything.

never underestimate the power of punctuations.

2007-10-08T04:27:00.000-07:00

so what about it some people ask,ok the thing is funny things happened because of the way some words are used and twisted in another way that they aren't meant to be.

for example take a look at this two sentences they have the same words but punctuations are placed differently and we got a whole new meaning altogether.

the judge finds you guilty not,allowed to be bailed

the judge finds you guilty,not allowed to be bailed

its really funny how sometimes words can be twisted around and make it mean a totally different meaning and so on.

funny stuff that happened because of this
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060806.wr-rogers07/BNStory/Business/home

it's also funny how sometimes people tend to use your own words against you. in this case it would be very important to keep records of black and white,be it in written form,emails,sms what so ever you think would be useful to keep yourself safe from unwanted trouble.

the comfort zone and the aftermath

2007-10-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

when i mean being in a comfort zone it means being in your area of work for too long or you do not really have the courage or feeling to want to explore further beyond the green zone into perhaps the yellow or even red.

recently i've been feeling this way ever since i just ord-ed(finishing 2 years of national service) well it's been a habit to me that i really enjoy like going to camp,coming back,thinking of finishing the 2 years,the aftermath,things like these.

i'm really looking forward towards ord yet at the same time i'm hoping that the good times would last a lil longer. that's what i mean by being in the comfort zone. i don't really want to leave this atmosphere,the feeling,the place,the camp.

the feeling still lingers around me but i'm looking towards the future now even though it may seem like it's full of uncertainties. but i still want to give things a try,i want her to maybe give a thought about it after her a levels.

maybe it's just me thinking too much again and maybe i may not show it but she's really making me feel crazy and jealous at times like when she's busy i wished that she wasn't that busy at times,or when she's out with her boyfriend i wished that the person was me instead. well stuff that makes you go :O as she probably doesn't know all this anyway.

i may sound hypocrite that i don't show my real feelings but thats how i am. even though at times i may say something but i may not really mean it and most of the time it's because i'm thinking about you or for you rather.

anyway i'm really looking forward to school and after her a levels and we'll see how things go. sometimes things just isn't supposed to be 1 sided,there's supposed to be 2 way communication,mutual feelings towards each other and such for things to work and if she's willing to think about it and believe in herself and in me and wants to be with me then i can promise that i'll do my best towards our future.

shows that im chasing/watching currently

2007-10-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

chasing..
1.prison break (season 3)
2.simpsons (season 19)
3.my name is earl (season 3)

recommended :p
1.e-ring (political drama)
http://www.tv.com/e-ring/show/32656/summary.html?tag=tabs;summary
2.rome (drama,action,adventure)
http://www.tv.com/rome/show/23351/summary.html?q=&tag=search_results;title;1
3.the office
http://www.tv.com/the-office/show/22343/summary.html?q=&tag=search_results;title;1
4.heroes
http://www.tv.com/search.php?qs=heroes&type=11&stype=search&tag=search%3Bbutton&om_act=convert&om_clk=searchsh

so watch them if you have some free time,its really interesting and such. in my opinion lol =p

ord lo :p something about myself

2007-10-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

just ord-ed recently, i haven't really been progressing well in..certain areas but all is good i hope that with time that special someone would be able to know more about me :p and perhaps show more confidence in me.

anyway i'm just a not so typical 20 year old,i enjoy doing things that the normal people wouldn't do. nothing sick and disgusting,it's just that one of my hobbies includes cutting newspaper articles that i think are nice at that point of time =p.

i'm not really used to expressing my true feelings or maybe i don't appear to be expressing my feelings well but past betrayals and such taught me to hardened my heart and show fake emotions just so that i wouldn't get hurt again. i used to believe that by being my true self i expose my weaknesses and vulnerable to others. and that it would make it easier for others to exploit me.

i still wear different masks today when i talk to different people,people who knows me well says that i'm fake or a power mongering guy but i don't care as i'm learning to change to open up myself only to that the special someone. so that she would know every detail about me =p

back to my typical after ord life now,everyday seems to be a slacking day as school doesn't starts till 15 oct. what do i do everyday now that i ord-ed? wake up at 8+,wash up,eat,read the straits and business times for awhile,game,eat,continue reading,see the news,game abit,eat,read my book if i have time left at night =p. and trying to see if that special someone isn't tired and if its possible to chat on the phone lol.

summary of a every day teletubby alike life. borrrrring off to breakfast now :)

the recent sub prime lending woo ha

2007-10-03T06:39:00.000-07:00

whats up with the recent sub prime lending thingy that sent everyone panicking? what sub prime mortage actually is, is lending money to people who do not have very good credit rating or are what we call high risk lenders.

why is it high risk? because of low credit rating of the borrower the chances of them defaulting on payment is higher,and since the risk is high the interest charged on them is also higher. with high interest and high probability of defaulting of payment that's why it's considered pretty high risk.

what is the link between sub prime lending and collateralized debt obligations? banks and financal institutions buy the debts of these people,repackages them with serveral other products that are generally considered safe and resells to state pensions or places where they consider safe to park their money with cause of the AAA rating on it. that is CDO

more detailed infomation can be read up here http://www.oftwominds.com/blogmar07/subprime2.html

so..why the panic people ask? since theres triple AAA rating on it and such. it happened because of various reasons actually. partially because of recent lower value of houses in the US and doesn't allow them to refinance their homes,tighter regulations,human nature,loss of confidence and so on.

which in turn causes people to panic once local banks started revealing how much exposure they are in collateralized debt obligations (CDO). share price for dbs dropped to 19.50. from 24++ few months back after they revealed they have 2.4b in the market. well not just dbs infact almost all local banks are affected depending on how much their exposure to this market is.

i think that people are being too overly cautious,of these high risk lenders not all of them are defaulters,there must have a certain percentage that will at least repay part of the payment,another certain percentage who will fully pay up,there will also be some who have some sort of housing or asset to their name which can be liquidated. and of these the rest might be working out a new repayment plan to the bank. so..all in all it isn't that risky after all, just the perception,assumption,speculation,ignorance and prudence of people that makes it look scary and risky.

don't follow the crowd instead have a mind of your own because that's how a leader think.

the ps3 that we have all been waiting for...so long and even longer

2007-10-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

sony's latest baby the playstation3 was first released on november 11 2006. even after so long,the only games that are worth buying is limited and let's not forget the hefty price tag on them as well.

there are quite a number of new consoles out there competiting for the console market but what really puts the ps3 at the top and differentiate the ps3 from the rest that makes it all worth for our wallets?

Its primary storage media is the Blu-ray Disc, though it also supports DVDs, CDs, and SACDs.[6][7] It can output high-definition video for both video games and movies in up to 1080p resolution.
extracted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PlayStation_3

on top of these capabilities i found not much of a problem registering my ps3 account online and playing online games like resistence fall of man,downloading demos,videos and so on.

most of the nice games like,metal gear solid 4 is expected to be released during Q1 2008,devil may cry 4 december,eye of judgement october 2007,resident evil 5 TBA,all time favourite final fantasy XIII,mobile suit gundam: gundam world and the sequal to resistence fall of man,resistance: rise of man.

with some of the ps3 exclusive only games how can anyone miss it? not saying that the other console sucks or something, its just that every console have their own selling point like for the xbox360 they only have some of their own exclusive titles like assassin's creed and for the nintendo wii they have a brand new style of playing game.

for a traditional gamer like me who's grown up with my megadrive,ps,ps2,xbox,computer,i think i'll take a ps3 over the other 2.

fun things

2007-10-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

Your EQ is 153

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

was bored so i did one of these and found this out :O am i a liar or not you decide lol

being a good government is always not good enough for some

2007-09-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

during the national day rally last month PM Lee Hsien Loong announced that CPF members would be paid an additional one percentage point in interest on the first S$60k.

as usual there are always people who will be questioning why so little and stuff. but the thing people should ask ourselves is are the government doing something at least to help the citizens out?

workfare income supplement will be increased to 100% for workers above 60,costing the government another 80m. as for the "small 1% increase in CPF for the first 60k" its going to set the government back by another 700m a year and increasing. other than that they are also offering deferment schemes to encourage people to draw their CPF money at a older age so that they might last a little longer.

there are some who questioned,why is temasek earning an average of 8.2 while the government is only giving an extra 1% compared to what temasek is earning. but what they do not realise is that CPF money is risk free,whether the market goes up or down you still get your money with interest that pays even better compared to fixed deposits at banks. what temasek does is invest in long term and not all their investments to date have been profitable. so if you happen to retire at a time when the market is down who eles are you going to blame? not yourself but the government.

from 2012 the new re-employment law will kick in making it mandatory for companies to offer older workers new jobs or re-deployment to jobs that might offer lower pay but keeps the workers employed at least. but still people are complaining of foreign talents snatching jobs with the locals. it's because of foreign talents that makes our workforce competitive with the overseas market considering the fact that most corporations are outsourcing jobs to lower cost country such as china and india.foreign talents are also the ones that will promote singapore to increase tourism through their friends,family and the internet.

what people do not know is that direct foreign investments inflows from 2007 to 2011 averages 27.1B. which in turns creates more jobs and such.

apart from all these we have a good bunch of thinking ministers that improves our defence capabilities,our education system is improving and in recent years we have been trying not to be totally reliant on foreign countries for our water supply(newater). and also our country reserves have grown to more than 100B. with so much improvements in our daily life and society overlooked how eles and when would we be able to learn from our mistakes,shortcomings and go forth to be one of the best in the future?

what people need to understand is that for the government to plan ahead for us,it won't affect the results of their next election they don't gain anything instead we are the future generation that will reap the benefits of their hard work and effort that they make today. so maybe we could be a little more appreciative and give them a thumbs up or thanks instead of always wanting better,more and the impossible.

are singaporeans ready for retirement?

2007-09-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

with the additional 1 percentage point interest for first $60k in member combined accounts and the government's plan to make annuity compulsory for all singaporeans are we still ready for retirement or not?

with inflation in checks,more jobs created,better and more vibrant business friendly agencies. why is the government still worried for us?

1.lack of self discipline among white collared workers to spend on credit. even more so for blue collared ones as they do not have alot of take home pay and thus concentrate more on the day to day expenses rather than their old age.
2.insufficent financial knowledge on saving to invest. most singaporeans are good savers at most,just not good investors.

well one thing for sure is that most of the people who are really rich aren't employees rather they'r self made entrepreneurs who later might donate a sum of their profits,come out with books with the hope of improving the society rather make it another source of income.

what i feel that the government could do would be to start educating people on what to do with their money,perhaps start investing in high risk portfolios between 20-30 and gradually reducing the risk to middle when they'r at 40-50 and low/no risk when they reaches 60+ of age,near retirement.

another thing that the government is doing now to encourage senior people to continue working is by having a workfare bonus scheme. it gives a cash bonus on top of the salary that they'r getting to people who continues to work,who are low waged as a incentive.

but more could be done,perhaps for the younger generation of singaporeans we could stomach more risks in our cpf.instead of making it risk free,allow us to earn higher average returns on our cpf money since we would not be able to touch the sum of money except for housing and medical needs and etc.

for the more financial savvy ones who have more than 1 million worth of liquid assets,maybe we could have them choose between a annuity with better payouts or we could have a committee or agency look at their retirement plans or if they have already made realistic plans for the future. as the current plans that the government have made for us isn't really tailored for all singaporeans but for most of the low wage workers.

http://www.mom.gov.sg/publish/momportal/en/general/workfare_bonus_scheme.html
http://www.findsingapore.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=86526
http://www.singaporeangle.com/2007/08/good_annuities_more_welfare.html

the government's 'forced savings' is really a good plan as it helps the majority of us retire at ease but how long more are we expected to be spoon fed? are we really that reliant on the government? maybe its time people realise that we should mature and not stay in the comfort zone for too long. can anybody assure that 50 years down the road we can still be that reliant on the government as we are now? can anybody say that things will go all smoothly for all the decisions that the government make for us? its time to take start taking charge of our lifes people.

is democracy really the way for asian countries presently?

2007-09-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

just some random thoughts that came to my mind. does democracy really works well in asia countries? does the culture,mindset and maturity of the people allows it? are the people seriously concerned with democracy rather than food on their table?

of course when we talk about democracy we have quite a few successful examples,like the US,Japan,Hong Kong and France. but when we talk about success,at what price do we have to pay? strikes and protest aren't uncommon over there causing economic losses to their respective nations. we seen people who speak openly,in fact too open that they forget to get their facts right and there's alot of slandering and conspiracy theories going on. and alot more

when we talk about democracy in the US,one of examples is that they have the bill of rights and such. the link is down here if you'r interested in it. http://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/constitution.billofrights.html

sure i'm all for democracy,but it only applies to certain culture and environment. lets take a look at thailand for example. is there democracy when just a coup by military generals is all that's needed to create a new government that they like? so far they have no prove or what so ever even after forming a committee to gather evidence that the ousted premier thaksin was involved in corruption,being rude to the king and what so ever. instead he's made attempts to split business and politics aside by selling his stake in shin corp. and all the opposition and the generals accused him of is just tax evasion and using it to fuel the hate of the people cause they'r ignorant of it. i don't know much about thai laws but i do know that in some countries there are tax free laws if certain criterias are met. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_gains_tax_in_Australia

i'm not saying that democracy isn't the way for us asians,its just that my point being is democracy the way for all of the asian countries? singapore, for example is one of the successful democratic countries in the world because i believe we still enforce certain autocratic style of ruling yet still give people the freedom to make certain choices. and for most of the time when choices are being made for us singapore as a whole, we benefit greatly from it. in terms of housing,monetary terms or even job creation and such from the soon to be done intergrated resorts. property prices rises and we gain as foreign investors shows confidence in singapore as one of the few asia countries where politics is stable,the currency remains strong,low crime rates and good security measures in place.

my opinion of democracy in asia is that,the people must truly be educated,be interested in it,knows the basic stuff and facts for it to work. otherwise only manipulation will take place as what we see on television at times isn't really the truth. examples being protesters going to the street not because they are fighting for changes but because a mastermind at the back is paying them 5 USD to do that.

decentralisation and modern changes to the mindset of the people in asia are nessesary if we are to learn from our mistakes and gain the most out of it.

typing at 3:39 am so good night everyone,was tired but can't get to sleep for certain reasons and do share your comments on it :)

virgin post!

2007-09-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

been told by friends that maybe i should start my own blog sometime back. i have totally no idea on how to do one and wasn't really interested in sharing my thoughts and views until recently i feel that i have alot more that i wanted to say and share with the rest of the world =p

i'm pretty new to all these so maybe i should start with a self introduction. i'm 20 this year and i'm from singapore and i have just completed my national service. i'm currently tagged with a slacker status as school doesn't start till the 15 of october.

my boring hobbies includes,gaming(all sorts im a all rounder since i was 9),reading(books!(tons of it i read anything non fiction from biographies to management and self improvement stuff),papers but 1 thing i seldom read is the new paper as i feel that it isn't really a good paper considering the amount of mistakes and error and they focus more on domestic news which doesn't really interest me and they make lots of errors and mistakes for a newspaper. so i mostly just read the straits and business times.)

no,im still currently single probably due to my not so handsome looks and weird way of thinking at times(my mom and some of my friends say that im mature for my age but i don't know i just feel weird)

anyway back to the point :P i'll probably be sharing my thoughts on things that are going on in my life,world/domestic news and happenings. so if you'r still interested then..see you some time ^^